Well, lets journal a little... My scares and fears of the past days have been going down, but they arestill there... I was so tempted to mail h a letter like saying him : We will be 3 month together again... and there are lot of things i appreciate for you, you and me are soing really efforts to make a better M.... etc etc... but maybe we need some time to talk more abut us, to know how we feel, and i am really concern about you not going to a C... etc etc.... So, i controll myself and didnt sent it bc i think this is not the time to do that...!!... Great for me...!!... in th past i never thought first... nor i think first and then proceed...
Things positive:
Yesterday we spent a nice night at a bar drinking and eating something and talking about everything...!! and in the night we had been intimate... only that this time i felt it like an "animal activity" i dont know if you can understand me... not too much loving kisses, more pleasure... but at least he enjoy it and me too...
I am doing my first steps to find new jobs, like a free lance creative writer, and i know i need this just to feel satisfy with my professional part... and to have less time without nothing to do and too much to think...!!...
I note him less affective, you know less touching or hugging, and i dont like this... i always dream with a man so expresive and affective, but i know my man is not that kind, and that he preffer to express love caring about me, doing things together, making love frecuently, talking... So, i need to think more about the positive and try to accept and understand him like he is... I Had always demanded him to be more afective and he is doing great efforts about this, only that it seems is not sufficient for me...
So, see you around...
Andrea
See you around