Well... today i want to post some positive thoughts and moves, but also i want to post some doubts and questions that are still inside my head and heart... maybe i need to return to my c, but there are too much spents on home, and i am not working now... maybe i will make an appointment for next week... something say me that i need it...!!... So, in the meanwhile lets do some auto-therapy with your comments always accepted.
1- there is still time to time in my mind the thought that my M can end sometime... can break up in the future... the possibility of him geting in love with someone else he can meet is scaring me time to time... So, it seems i need to work a lot on myself... on my self steem... Why i am afraid about that...?... he had beeen out of home, knowing any kind of women and he always preferr me... Maybe i am not to tall, to thin, but i have a lot more than any women in town...!!... and What if he does that...?... i will cry and suffer, but i will handle it and go ahead as always... bc i know i can...!!...
2- When he get in bad bad mood, this discontrol me too much... and i need to lear to live with that, not relating this bad moods with the past or his past actions...!!... in every R there are bad moments, bad moods, nothing is always rose... even after all we had lived... and yes, at least his reacions are different now... his mood doesnt maintain too many hours or days... now both try to chang that moods in orden not to affect our R....
3- sometimes i think that bc we are reconciliating on second time, that bc all we had lived, our R must be like an eternal honeymooon...!!... sometimes i feel our R needs more novelistic moves... more passion... that we cant accept between us a goodbye without a kiss like today in the morning, the monotony that all common R that hasnt suffered the crisis that we had suffered, can accept... and this thoughts worry me too much
4. Sometimes i think that we need more R talks... we hadnt talk more about us, what we feel nor, what we like of our R now an what we need... how he feel, why he hasnt retake a therapy (he had told me he will change of C bc the last one he didnt like it)

And i dont know if talking about this with h will get the effect, the positive effect i expect...

By the other hand, let post the positive.. the words or phrases i posted before, arent negative, only fears and doubts i handle....

1- Again he try to control his mood, or change it not to affect our R for many many hours...
2. When he speak about anybody that is amore atletic than me or do something i cant like biking a difficult hill, he try to be nice and tell me: hey, this doesnt means you cant do it, only that you need to training more..!!
3. We are being intimate more often...!!
4. He called me last fridays twice just to tell me where he was, with whom, at what hour he will came back home, etc, without me asking him to do that, without him feeling controlled...!!
5. He expressed some kind of jealus when my cell phone rang one and i didt ge to answer... i saw the number and i didnt know who was... so, i didnt returned the call... H then asked me: who called you, why you didnt return it...?... and i answered him briefly: i dont know who was... This kind of things are not bad.... dont you think so...?
Well... lets see what you think about my mind games and thoughts... and about the positive...!!
andrea