So... Today is our first "fight"?? since our last reconciliation...!! and always for the same... cant he change...?!!... Let me explain so you can give me some opinions.... Yesterday he came back from work, tellling me what to say to the maid who hadnt came back after the week we went out of home...!!... He told me: you will say her you wont pay her all this days, etc etc... So, i aswered him... Ok, i will inform her exactly what you decide, but i would prefer you asking me or acording with me how to treat this irresponsbility of he maid...!!... I told that in a very calm and pause way...!!... After that he went to the refrigerator, blaming bc the ice maker was freeze...!!... i remain calm and not reactioning at all... So, everything was blaming and blaming... and all my efforts of maintaining home clean, in order, his clothes, his foods, that doesnt value at all...!!... So i was annoyed, but remain calm, didnt say anything... and stay apart of him doing my own issues... Today in the morning, he went to do some jogging, i stayed at home... I need to cancel a date in court we both have to sign reconciliation bc the maid didnt came back and i dont have any who can pick my children while i am there (my mother, my MIL, everybother is out for vacation)... So, when he came back from jogging, he asked me: At what time is the date...?... so, i told him i cancell it.... He was so furious... Telling me he cancelled his appointments at office bc that date and that i never tell him i will cancell it... I explain him i cancelled the date today, just ten minutes before he came back the maid didnt came back... So... You know that and you didnt tell me nothing yesterday... I again told him i cancelled the date 10 minutes before...!!... So, he get on shower, so angry... i was so angry too.... I began cleaning my home... and decide to put some music and dont let him disrupt my day with his mood... and began to feel better dancing and singing while cleaning...!!... Thats all the story... i feel calm, but also thinking why he has to act like that...?!!.. i will appreciate your comments... and also i will tell you what annoy me most is to feel so frustrate and sad bc a fight between us... so dependant still of his mood...!!.. andrea
Ok... maybe singuing while he was lefting home was a nice strategy... maybe again the mestruation is doing bad effects on my spirit... maye maybe maybe... but the fact is that yesterday in the afternooon he came back from work in a better mood, nice, talkative, and affective...!! So, again, lets journal the positive... 1. Now he doesnt extend his bad mood or disconfort for anything for days or weeks as in the past he used to do... only hours function to change his mood and dont hurt the R...!... thats great and a change... is a way to apologyze without words... and i need to learn his way of language...!! 2. I understand the message accepting his better mood, affection, and not makig troubles bc his child response on the morning... That doesnt value compare of a great affective night...!! 3. This morning he was the one who ask me if i need money... Great...!!.... See you around...!! Andrea
Good morning all.... Ok, lets journal the last moves in my R... Ysterday night we both went to a barbecue of some friends... my h was very affective with me... so gentleman and nice...!!... Sometimes when i see him, i realize hoe change he is now, how handsome...!!... each day is more handsome...!!... and with the physical change there are many spiritual changes that i like also...!!... he is a complete new man...!!... and i am learning to love this new one...!!... I think he notes also some changes in me... maybe i dont notice too much bc is myself, but i know i had changed a lot too...!!... By by andrea
Well... today i want to post some positive thoughts and moves, but also i want to post some doubts and questions that are still inside my head and heart... maybe i need to return to my c, but there are too much spents on home, and i am not working now... maybe i will make an appointment for next week... something say me that i need it...!!... So, in the meanwhile lets do some auto-therapy with your comments always accepted. 1- there is still time to time in my mind the thought that my M can end sometime... can break up in the future... the possibility of him geting in love with someone else he can meet is scaring me time to time... So, it seems i need to work a lot on myself... on my self steem... Why i am afraid about that...?... he had beeen out of home, knowing any kind of women and he always preferr me... Maybe i am not to tall, to thin, but i have a lot more than any women in town...!!... and What if he does that...?... i will cry and suffer, but i will handle it and go ahead as always... bc i know i can...!!... 2- When he get in bad bad mood, this discontrol me too much... and i need to lear to live with that, not relating this bad moods with the past or his past actions...!!... in every R there are bad moments, bad moods, nothing is always rose... even after all we had lived... and yes, at least his reacions are different now... his mood doesnt maintain too many hours or days... now both try to chang that moods in orden not to affect our R.... 3- sometimes i think that bc we are reconciliating on second time, that bc all we had lived, our R must be like an eternal honeymooon...!!... sometimes i feel our R needs more novelistic moves... more passion... that we cant accept between us a goodbye without a kiss like today in the morning, the monotony that all common R that hasnt suffered the crisis that we had suffered, can accept... and this thoughts worry me too much 4. Sometimes i think that we need more R talks... we hadnt talk more about us, what we feel nor, what we like of our R now an what we need... how he feel, why he hasnt retake a therapy (he had told me he will change of C bc the last one he didnt like it)
And i dont know if talking about this with h will get the effect, the positive effect i expect...
By the other hand, let post the positive.. the words or phrases i posted before, arent negative, only fears and doubts i handle....
1- Again he try to control his mood, or change it not to affect our R for many many hours... 2. When he speak about anybody that is amore atletic than me or do something i cant like biking a difficult hill, he try to be nice and tell me: hey, this doesnt means you cant do it, only that you need to training more..!! 3. We are being intimate more often...!! 4. He called me last fridays twice just to tell me where he was, with whom, at what hour he will came back home, etc, without me asking him to do that, without him feeling controlled...!! 5. He expressed some kind of jealus when my cell phone rang one and i didt ge to answer... i saw the number and i didnt know who was... so, i didnt returned the call... H then asked me: who called you, why you didnt return it...?... and i answered him briefly: i dont know who was... This kind of things are not bad.... dont you think so...? Well... lets see what you think about my mind games and thoughts... and about the positive...!! andrea
I forgot to tell you, iv been thinking about writing him a mail with all or some of my feelings and qustions, like not talkig or knowing how we feel about the R... about his therapy and when he will return to do it... etc what do you think...? andrea
Something is happening so strange on this reconciliation... now my h many many times is arriving so early to home... maybe bc on vacation time here in y country there are too many doctors out of town and he doesnt hav too many buddies ever here... but... this is positive... always there will be someone to talk and get late to home and this isnt happening... so... this can mans he is enjoying too much being at home... andrea
Hi Andrea - it may be a little too early for you to write him about all the R stuff - it takes months for their brains to clear up! Be glad though that all his actions are good. And I love it that he got jealous about the cell phone call!
My H and I had a great honeymoon period when he first came back, then very slowly things started to deteriorate a little bit - I actually thought I was the one having doubts about the R - but realize now that I was just REACTING to the subtle signs of my H's depression returning - now that he is back on antidepressants we are both doing much better!
So keep focusing on yourself, but also consider whether you think your H may be suffering from depression?
Thanks ellie: Yes, i think you are right about writing him a R letter or mail... and maybe he can receive it like a blame from me, after all the work and changes he is ready doing and showing me... thanks for that advice... sometimes i need to controlmyself and try not to be pessimistc about future... not necesarily the history need to be repeat... And about the possibility my h suffering a depression, yes, maybe there is something about that... but how d you think i can aproach him to talk about retaking therapy sessions... h went to one C he didnt like it... he told me he will find another in his clinic, but he is not going yet... i think this doctor can be the one who can analyze the possibility of a depression... and this is possible not only bc the age (41) but bc the situation, difficult situation here in my country... thanks, and stay around andrea
Ok... today was a wonderfull sharing day for both, h and me... to let you understand, i will explain you that here in my country there are many many problems with the goverment and the majority of the citizens wants the president out by a referendum... this is a long fight... So, last year, while our M was so unstable although we were reconciliate after a first separation, We both march in manifestation always separately, he with his buddies, me with mines... but today, we march together... and he was so kind, gentleman, always presenting me his buddies, docs colleague, caring about me, laughing, sharing... Maybe you cant understand but for me this day has a lot of meanings... andrea
and always for the same... cant he change...?!!... Let me explain so you can give me some opinions....
Maybe i am not to tall, to thin, but i have a lot more than any women in town...!!... and What if he does that...?... i will cry and suffer, but i will handle it and go ahead as always... bc i know i can...!!...