Digging in

[kat727]

I am sorry about what ever happened. From my own experience, it is hard holding it together all the time. Sometimes all that pent emotion just has to blow! Hugs.

kat

[yenko69]

What an odd world it has been. Me and SD now 17 have had a rough relationship. I told the W last night to see if she wanted me to come by for her b-day tonight. W texted me last night.

W: She wants you to be there. The OM will be there. She wants you
to put aside your differences for the night.
W: If you can't, I understand.
M: wont be there, will tell her I am sorry tomorrow when I send her
a b-day greeting.W: I am sorry I truly am. I'll have you out
for dinner when I get
back if you would like.

No response from me. Went from zero to pissed rather quickly. The first text was a setup by the W. She was talking about getting back from SD with OM where he works as a hunting guide.

Today I went out and worked on the house some more. I sent the W a coming to jesus letter saying that she crossed a major line with me and her sorry was not cutting it. A couple other things, basically that when she left next week it was a dealbreaker I was done and moving on with my life. Did not want her friendship, just to be civil and respectful. I fully intended to file on her this week. I was just waiting out the weekend to make sure. It would not have changed, I was done.

Was going to bed and got this, sorry the order may be messed up a bit.

W:I'm so confused right now. I did not know I had talked trash
on you. It hurts me so bad how much I've hurt u. Im not happy
yet I can't figure it out which direction
m: do the right thing for yourself and keep doing it no matter
what you feel. then you will find the happiness the right
actions lead to the right emotions.
W: You love me more then anyone ever has. I am so ashamed of how
I've treated you. I keep reading your letters. You are
becoming a different person. I'm so upside down right now.
M: Yeah I am different and a better person u kno what you need
to do inside yourself just do it it is something you can only
answer.
W: I can't let you go! how can you love someone you are so angry
and disappointed with?
M: how can you love someone that has hurt you. you take the
chance and make the choice.
W: I know I am crazy but also very confused. These letters say
all the things I always wanted from u. well except the one
from today.
W: You hate me don't you?.
W: I trust in you! you are my strength, my comfort, my trust,
my rock.... what do you think?
M: no, i don't hate u
W: But i have this fear of letting each other down again. Not to
mention the whole ordeal with SD17. At court it took all I
had not to grab your hand. I did not even want to go upstairs
till you got there.

M: if you wanted to reach out at me at court (stress) what does
that tell u
W: I think we need to sit down and talk. Put everything out on
table. what about SD17?
M: I agree, the deal with SD17 will work out
W: Are you sure. I have to figure out away to get out of leaving
Sunday.
M: Yeah I am sure we can talk about it tomorrow after drill
W: I am so sorry for everything i have put you through. I cant
make any promises but I'm willing to take it a step at a time.
That is all I can give you right now.
M: not asking for a promise just the effort
M: I can take the leap of faith if you are willing
W: Ok, have neice and nephew.
M: its ok we can still find a way to talk one on one
W: yeah we can
W: Sorry I kept you up so late.
M: just so you know where I stand I was going to file on you and
fastrack a D
W: what does that mean
M: If you left I would have filed and went for an emergency D is
what I meant.
W: Wow! weird how things kinda work themselves out. I h know I
haven't been fair to you I am truly sorry.
M:It is a weird world talk to you tomorrow goodnight
W: Good night and sweet dreams!

Dang, feel like H4H and his long posts. Skeptical very. I will lay down my conditions tomorrow, she either goes with it or I will be single by the end of the year. Either way works.

[lost_in_space]

Yenko,

Man I don't know what to say. You took a stand, drew a line in the sand and held your ground. And guess what - it seems to have some impact! AWESOME.

Now the tough part I think. Take it for what it is right now. Just words (sorry for perhaps a little cloud on the sunshine). Take it slow and see where the actions get to.

Believe me, I wish I would hear those words from my W, but I am not expecting them soon. Expect nothing at this time bud. One step at a time but always watch out for ourself. We will try to provide cover for you...

Thanks for stopping in on me - hope I can do that more for you.

[karen43]

Now the tough part I think. Take it for what it is right now. Just words (sorry for perhaps a little cloud on the sunshine). Take it slow and see where the actions get to.

Yeah, I agree with LIS, but I think what she was saying to you was a wonderful thing. She's realizing what she'd be losing, sounds like reality is starting to hit her. I think that's all good!!! I'm happy for you!!! Karen

[kat727]

I hope it goes well. Just stay calm and I am sure you will be able to express what you want and expect without any problems. I'll catch you later. good luck.

kat

[yenko69]

I did go and meet with the W tonight. My expectations were that I should have just met up with Kat.

When I went to the me and the W went in to talk. The first thing out her mouth was that she was so sorry and understood if I wanted to leave. It was genuine. She apologized many times to me for hurting me and being so unfair to me.

She agreed to all the conditions that I set. No contact with OM, transparency, her writing a letter and giving it to me, taking it slow and a couple other things. She said that she had already broke it off with OM and told him not to contact her, she would show me anything I needed to see or anything else that I needed to help build back my trust in her. She understood how skeptical I would be for awhile.

She said it was like tearing down an old house. She could tear down everything but the foundation and that was me. She realized the good times and the deep love, even though before all she thought of was the negatives.

When asked she did say it was like a switch that had went off. That her own personal problems and everything about the A came to her. That she was going to IC to fix her problems. How she had isolated everyone from her life and the chaos she created.

She said she had a long talk with her mom today. They have not talked much since this has happened. She said she felt she owed my parents an apology and almost went there today, but she wanted to talk to me first.

She understood how hard it was going to be to get past this. That there would be ups, downs and setbacks along the way. That we needed to help each other through this. When I said something about R books she asked if she could borrow them. She also agreed to get any book that would help us get through this.

We took D11 out to eat and we went back my W was going to make some cookies. She asked if I was going to stay or if I needed to go. We talked for a bit more and she understood that I had to go and sort through this turn around. I told her that I was fully prepared to end it if I had not seen a real change in her this time. She said that she understood how I felt. It did surprise her when I texted her about filing an emergency D on her. She also knows I would have done it.

We made arrangements for the week when I would see her or just talk on the phone. We were going out Thur to dinner and see Fireproof, she almost broke down when I told her what it was about. Then she asked if we could go Friday even though I am supposed to work and it would mean so much more to her. Friday is our anniversary. Think I will call in sick.

She never once put on a victim role. The only hurt she said was the pain she knew she caused me. As far as actions, she threw away some stuff that OM had gotten her. I told her it bothered me and she said she understood and bagged it up and outside into the garbage can. I will wait and see if on Monday she has the letter I requested her to write.

There was a definite change. More then I have ever really seen out of her since I have know her. Just something that I could sense.

Skeptical, yes very. I'll just wait and see what happens right now. A lot more said, but can't post it all. I do look more for actions right now then words. Only time will tell.

[yenko69]

For those of you in the middle of this sorry. My W did say she tried many times that she tried to make me mad so that I would tell her it was over and she would be more justified to continue down the path that she was on. She admired that I stood strong and did give her anything other then being calm and in control around her. Glad she has never read some of my posts.

[kat727]

That is wonderful. You came here when you needed and showed her a consistent stance. Be forgiving and understanding. Give it time. You are going to be great!

kat

[yenko69]

Thanks Kat. I do appreciate it.

I do my best to be forgiving and understanding. I do have a better understanding of what happened then I did a few months ago. It is shifting back and starting to look at a life with her again that is difficult. Since her planned trip with OM I dropped the rope and looked at new life without her.

She did think it was odd when I told her I knew that the first time she was going to be gone for the week that I knew where she was going. I just told her I knew her well enough that I saw what was going on. Pretty obvious though.

[kat727]

The thing is, it can't be the life you had, it has to be a new one. The old life is gone. Keep the lines of communication open as you draw out the blueprints for your new life.

kat