Husband wants to reconcile - Try #4

[Trixi]

Your H sounds a LOT like my H.
My H told me on Wednesday that I should no longer 'stand in the gap'. He doesn't want to be married. Period.
He loves me, we "can remarry later", but he doesn't want me to "count on him".
He doesn't like the idea of letting me go. He really wants me in his life. (whatever.)
And after this whole big convo, he still had the nerve to try to take me to bed. (NOPE!)
He is all about himself right now.
His band buddies are more important than me.

I have no advice, per se.
For me, it is time that I no longer let this man string me along.
He has totally been calling the shots. He has given me as much commitment as he can. It wasn't until I went on a non-date with a guy that I met at a meetup, that I realized I am being short changed. The non-date guy invited me to several events (dinner party he was hosting w/6 other guests, bowling w/2 friends, big house party). My H doesn't include me in his life.

My H needs to work out whatever his issues are, on his own. He has been honest enough to say he doesn't want to be married. I am not happy about it- but the constant rejection wasn't doing me any good. I let him give me WAY too little for WAY too long.

Later on, if by some miracle he grows up, he will have to really have to earn his way back. He will be held to the same (or higher because of his flakiness) standards as any other man that would want me in their life. And *that* is the number one thing-- they have to WANT me IN their life - all of it. Not the leftovers.

I am rambling.

You'll know when you are ready to deal with the "consequences" of expecting your husband to act like a husband. Mine couldn't do it.

Good luck.