I think Wednesday is a good day to do it...astrologcically! I think if you do do it...you can only do it in a way as thought you are not wanting anything from him, but that you are telling him and thanking him for what you have learnt about yourself in this process. That you're sorry for your behaviour and X, but that it has taught you alot and you are still learning and growing as a result and you thank him for that. Thats my opinion.
No 2x4's...as a result of your post, I started thinking and I have just been on the phone to my BFF for hours again and ding ding ding, had MASSIVE realisations and just pieced the whole of the last year together. I cant believe what I have realised. And I am not sure there is anywhere left to run for me, but honesty either. And I would be 2x4'd for that too, but maybe there comes a time hey.
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Nothing new really. Just H IMd me to say "see you Monday at 1 PM".(By the way this is 6 days of contact in a row now for the 2nd week--AFTER he told Jody he was happy that we were talking less :)) I joked around, said "we'll see, I might be busy." with a winking emoticon, and he actually responded to this. I had been getting a bit nervous that he was taking this whole meeting thing SO seriously. So he said again, for the 2nd time in a few days "you are little". This is a thing that he used to say all the time to me in a really sweet voice.
I told him my stomach hurt and he said some gross but joking things around this, and we exchanged emoticons. He ended the conversation with "bye ass". I know that doesn't sound so affectionate, but it actually is.
I also know I analyze a lot of what H says with a microscope, but to me these niceties are a REALLY big deal. They just didn't happen until recently, and now they are happening more and more...
I am trying not to be nervous for Monday. I feel like it's a first date in a way, complete with nerves about whether there will be sex etc.
If anyone else has any ideas/tips for how to calm the butterflies or anything else, would love to hear...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
All these things are so great. It shows he is comfortable with you over IM etc. Be prepared though that in real life he may still be alien h. I think distraction will calm your nerves.
Oh I think our last posts crossed paths. Thanks for the feedback. I definitely don't want it to be sappy and mushy in any way, and I have already told him in the pat that this has been a great learning opportunity so what I want to do is keep the email just about asking for forgiveness for things I haven't mentioned before. In fact it really is in line with an article I read on a website he sent me that says one person should just take full responsibility and make the first move toward reconciliation. I won't use the R word of course, but I do feel like if I send this email, it needs to be clearly in line with the purpose of the day. By the way the reason I mention one site in particular is that it was one I used to be really judgmental about, so I thought calling out that I was learning from it could be good. So here's my initial draft:
Hi,
Just read an article about relationships and Yom Kippur on X(OK fine, so X isn't all bad...), and I want to say this before Yom Kippur starts…
I apologize for, and deeply regret, everything I've done that has hurt you. I take complete responsibility for where we are now.
I took the most important things for granted, neglecting our emotional bond. I let fear and stubbornness erode intimacy, and mistook smothering for support and love. I was wrong.
I sincerely ask for your forgiveness and will strive to earn it.
I understand the right greeting here is, may you be inscribed and sealed for a great year. (Hope I got that right)
Thank you for reading this. No response needed.
-ITH
So I've worked on this email a LOT. It used to be 500 words, and is now about 135. I feel like it COULD have a big impact, but I also run the risk of making things awkward when we are starting to get along better. However I haven't really asked for anything. I wouldn't send it until Wednesday like mentioned. That way I'd have Monday to see what the time in the house was like, and whether there were any clear reasons why I definitely SHOULDN'T send it etc.
Any thoughts?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Of course you're right that he could be an alien in person! Oh I hope not! I think I will know by the eyes, whether he can look at me etc. Last time in the house, contact was really good, couldn't have been much better in terms of conversation, but he still seemed afraid of me, so weird. My plan, of course things could change, is to NOT spend much time with him on Monday during the afternoon, to busy myself with other things, and see if he seeks out my company. This way if he's feeling like an alien, he can be alone, and if he's feeling like my H, he can be around me.
It's hard to distract myself today as I'm too hungover to do much! I went out until nearly 3 AM last night, actually went dancing.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I think that it will work out well. Was he mad/upset that you are not going to Paris that day? How did he react? Did you get your ticket money back?
I think that the letter is fine, especially if it is something that is a custom. And if it doesn't go over as expected you seem to have lots of things lined up to do to get away from him and out of the house. So it should be fine. What about leaving it on Thursday for him to find after you are gone? Would that be too late? Just wondering if it would be good for him to have a good day/s with you and then read the letter. Either way is probably fine.
So now that you are not going to Paris on Monday have you reschedualed your session with Jody or are you going to wait until after Monday to tell her how it goes?
He didn't show any reaction (guess that's hard to do on IM anyway) to me not going to Paris. Personally I think he's glad as yesterday he said "pretty late" about me arriving at 11. He has openly admitted to missing me, so I do honestly believe he wants to see me. He is probably nervous like me.
So in terms of the letter, it should be sent before Thursday. This means that if I DO send it, we will have had 1 day of being in the house together, but not 2. When I get there on Thursday, he will be at class already, so I will only see him for the night. I guess I can base my decision on whether to send it on how things go Monday and then Tuesday/Wednesday if we have more contact while I'm in Valencia.
I think I'll schedule with Jody for Tuesday/Wednesday so that we can talk about all of Monday, including whatever happens after he gets home from class.
That way based on Monday, she can give me tips for Thursday too...
I haven't got the money back for my ticket. I am feeling a little nervous to as this means another night in Dublin that H doesn't know about. Trying to see if this will somehow come up in "normal conversation", but with us there seems to be no normal conversation about our house, well at least not recently. I pray this will change over the next week...:)
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I went out until nearly 3 AM last night, actually went dancing.