Well.. its been a while since my last hello... just too much for do with my kids in vacation already...!!.. This past days i had been a little revolt... just thinking some time about the past months and year, OW, fguring his time with this ladies, etc... But something that function for me is obligating me to think in smething else when this toughts came to my mind... I never talk about this with h, never tell him about my nightmares, etc... just controll myself and continue smiling and enjoying the present... Anther thing that is anoying me a little is thinking that always there is a possibility that our M end... and always i think the cause could be his not desire of being with me... so, i need to work more on my independence, my self life and try not to depend too much n him to feel happy... This is so hard for me, but i need to work on that... also i need to think present is what count, and if that happen, then i will see how i feel and proceed...!!... Nothing in this life is for sure, and if i dont feel 100%sure about my h, i need to know how to life with that...
But apart of my thoughts and moods or scares, there are many many great efforts in my h about our M...!! 1. We had been intimate and was great...!! 2. He is so affective...!! 3. Some days ago, a common friend invite him to drink something outside home.. Was the same friend who was with him that last night that i found out he was with OW before the last separation... So, when i came home, he insisted me many many times to go with him and his friend to that drinks night... I need to admit i was revolted and a little jealous when i saw him so cute ready to go outside... I even told him... Hey.. why are you so cute...?!!... so, when i said this, he again insist me to go with him... I was so tired, and i also wants to show him i can manage my doubts, i can try to thrust again in him, and i can accept him enjoying his own space... So, i said no, i better stay at home... The positive here is me controling myself and trusting in him... He, working to makes me feel sure about him... 4. He enjoy a lot being with kids and me, as a whole familly, going to a movie, or anywhere... making plans on weekends the whole weekend...!! 5. He talked to me about the possibility me doing gym in his club (a private club all the doctors stuff enjoy in his clinic). This is a big step bc he always had avoid me being in his world or space... I told him i think this wasnt a good idea bc i preffer my own gym.. is bigger, with more space, etc... and he agree with me...!!
About my steps and works... 1. I am so direct when i ask or demand smething from him...!!... calm, gently, but direct...!!... 2. I enjoy a lot sharing with him his passion for the bicicle, training program, etc... and he now tell me a lot about his improves and goals...!! 3. I make plans for the whole familly by my own, and then tell him... and i also let him make some plans...!! 4. I am not smoking in front of him... or when i am with him... and this please him too much..!!. However i am sincere and tell him i hadnt quit tabac, but i am trying. 5. I continue working on my self image and body... going to the mountain each day... trying to avoid trash foods... looking for my hands and nails.. my clothes...!! 6. Resolving as soon as possible home task...
So, this is all till now... See you around... Andrea
The R is great now...!!... no fights or crazy moods... always trying both to avoid fights bc stupidity things, preffering talking and not blaming or claiming...!!..
