Jak and Matilda, My W and I had a long overdue difficult conversation last night. She shared with me the pain she felt leaving the R five years ago. She was angry that I wasn't willing or able to address intimacy issues. It's true, at the time I was defensive and avoidant about it.
She wanted an apology. I gave her one. She said it lacked feeling, so I pulled out a poem I wrote earlier in the year. That seemed to be more validating for her. She said that she didn't know that I felt that way.
I pointed out that her sleeping elsewhere and keeping our marital status private communicated to me that she wanted distance. She told me that she may do it again. She also said it't clear why she did it (an indirect admission of a PA).
She again brought up her sadness about not having children. It seems like she wanted out of the M very early on, but failed to do so. She said that she would leave the M if she had a child.
She said don't think that everything is OK now that I've apologized. I said that I know it's a start.
After saying all of this, I went to the other bedroom to settle down, and since it was almost time to get up. She got angry because she wanted me to sleep with her.
She continues to fret about finances, yet is pushing me to plan our next vacation. She's fretting because there have been some recent home maintenance expenses--fence for the dog, yearly maintenance on the yard and driveway.
She calls the maintenance people to have the work done, and then when it's time to pay the bill, she gets angry with me, stating that I should have done the work. It's a double-bind with her on this issue.
It's confusing, but I'll hang in there and hold onto the positives (my own and relational). I'll start cuddling more in the bedroom.
She's going to have to be willing to work me with on improving our sex life. I'm not sure she is yet. She keeps thinking about the past.
We've had our sheep dog puppy for two days now, and he's an adjustment--going to the bathroom in the house, incessant barking, chewing wires and items. I like him and think that he will adust nicely to the houselhold. I hope that my W hangs in there with him.
CL
Last edited by Concerned_Listener; 10/04/0803:25 PM.
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
