WAW: Watching & Waiting (part deux)

[Bridgestone]

"Before I left H & I talked a bit about the C. and I left it in his court whether or not he was comfortable going back to him or not. He decided 'not'. He canceled his appointment he had for C yesterday."

And this really surprises you in some way?

no it doesn't... I had hope he would make a different choice, when he didn't, it has made me extraordinarily sad and I feel like things are starting to border on hopeless.

I saw him weaseling out! DAM!

same as he did when the MC 18 months ago started pushing him to deal with the 'other issues'. He made the choice to put the job over the MC. I haven't heard that this time, but the choice to stop going and not look for another C, leaves me thinking the same outcome will result.

"I think that has him off balance, which makes me nervous, because when he is off balance he is more likely to become overwhelemed with emotions, which means unpredictable behaviour. Unpredictable behaviour from him is scary for me."

But.. at the same time this is likely where you will see the most changes. If you can keep him "off balance". Unpredictable can be good.. you just have to "steer" it.

This is what I see what is different & where he is off balance.

I state what I am feeling, and I need... the first words out of his mouth are 'no' and he goes on to explain his feelings & what he thinks.

I listen and say I hear you saying xyz...

then I repeat.. I feel, I need... and again the cycle repeats.. he says 'no'etc.

depending on my level of detachment from him at this point, I can go up to three times trying to state my feelings & needs. At which point, I say something to the effect of

I'm not being heard and it is making me frustrated. this needs to stop, please leave, please change the subject, please do something else.

Usually at that point he starts to realize how he has again, failed to listen and hear me, how he has negated my feelings by continuing to argue his and he 'falls apart'. ****

From here on out is not new behaviour, when he thinks he has failed this is his default action and usually mine (at the end).

He becomes disparaging of himself, he jumps to extreme anticipations of what we/he should do (leave & never contact me again, get kicked out of my house, never get what he needs - held, etc.) and it is just a flood of words that when I try to interject, then I'm interrupting. And by now I'm flooding with frustration & hurt that is what he thinks I think & want and I walk away. It is at this point that the physical action of restratining me or pushing me have occurred.


I don't know how to steer this one.