I believe in Miracles

[istherehope]

OK,

Not sure what is wrong with me but I was wrong about the Paris date, and I am actually NOT going Monday, was meant to be going 1 week from Monday, even though I booked my 600E last minute flight...

So now this means that while I was going to head back to Dublin on October 16th, now I am going through there for a night again on the 13th. I am not sure what I will do about this. It also makes no sense for me to go back to Poland again for a few nights only, but I have no idea how I could possibly bring this up with my H as it will look controlling and like I am trying to manipulate him. He would need to think of this on his own somehow, but in order for him to do that, the topic needs to be raised, which is the LAST thing that I want to do on our day together.

So the positive thing is that I still do get an afternoon with H on Monday, though to be honest I'm pretty nervous right now. I also went out last night, wish I hadn't as I am pretty hungover and this makes it harder to feel positive. I talked about the sitch more than I should have last night too.

Oh--thought this might be of general interest though. I'd mentioned before that I have a friend who's 32, sort of having/had an early MLC, left his GF of 9 years, had an affair etc etc. We talked about this last night. I really badgered him as I think it is so good to get one of "their" points of view. I asked him if he said mean things to his then GF and if so why. He said yes, had used the INILWYA speech on her birthday for added emphasis, and that he just didn't always realize at the time that these things were mean, as his thoughts changed daily. So 1 day he'd feel in love, the next empty, etc. He said he got to the point where he didn't want to talk about/think about anything as it made no sense. He just couldn't make a decision. I asked him why did he not just CHOOSE to try and make it work with his GF since he had committed (they were engaged and lived together) and couldn't he just see himself through it. He said yes that was probably a good way to look at it, and even now he likes the ides of being back with her, but is unwilling to make the first move, but also feels like if he's not making the first move it's because he doesn't really love her etc...Anyway a real-life glimpse into the head of a walk away man...

ITH