Ok I am glad that abpve you have found some positives in the situation. I think you should hold onto those and focus on them.
You can not be worried about what he is going to to on the base with the other DAM. You NEED to show him that you trust him and don't hassle him about what he might be doing.
I am not going to say a word about his actions while he is gone. Pushing the boundaries is not going to make him miss me and want to come home and be with me for good. So because it will not take me closer to my goals then I am not going to go there. I will just trust him and tell him that I trust him and then do a LOT of praying while he is away.
I am still stressed a little bit but I feel that deep down we are patching things up and that if I can make it through this next month and a half that things will be in a totally different place for us.
I think the most important thing is to spend as much time as possible with him before he leaves, to stay in contact with him while he is gone (this is something he will have to take the lead on since I will not know his schedual), and continue to work on GAL and making and meeting my own goals while he is gone.
I am thinking about writing him a letter to give to him before he leaves. We have always done this before traveling. When I went away to Guatemala both times he gave me a letter and something personal to keep to remind me of him and when he went to boot camp I got him a card and wrote in it to keep him thinking of me and then I sent him a lot of things while he was gone like a t-shirt with my perfume on it. That kind of thing. I still have time to figure out what to do and I will post any letter draft on here for your guys' stamp of DB approval first. I just think it would be weird to break that tradition and it could help give him something ti think of while he is away.
I am sad that he is leaving. I am praying that it is only going to be the 29 days, maybe even less. And I just have to hope and pray that he will get transferred out of his unit before they go to war.
I know I cannot stress too much because it will just cause tension and that is the last thing that we need between us right now. I just have to trust that it will be okay and keep myself busy. Being in this position is hard enough and then you throw in the military aspect and things get really nuts!
I keep thinking about Jen and how life is really unpredictable and way too short and it makes me sad for her and for all of us. I hope that she is doing okay.
I am not going to say a word about his actions while he is gone. Pushing the boundaries is not going to make him miss me and want to come home and be with me for good. So because it will not take me closer to my goals then I am not going to go there. I will just trust him and tell him that I trust him and then do a LOT of praying while he is away.
Daisy saying this just shows how far you have come!!! That is a great attitude. Make the best of the next week and definalty write the letter as that is something normal for you guys anyway.
While he is gone you can possibly start looking at apts to surprise him with for when he comes home?? You are going to be fine and we are here to make sure you are doing good!!!
You're always so positive and encouraging! I'm feeling more and more confident that we are going to work things out. I am still working on getting my ducks in a row.
1. Continuing individual counseling 2. Finding a new job 3. Moving out on my own 4. Working on personal goals (weight loss and writing)
I think as long as I stay focused on these things I can stay sane and not have a melt down. I think I freaked out today because it was such a shock to my system as we had just said yesterday that it did not look like it was going to happen for awhile longer. Kinda crazy.
Well I'm off to bed. Got a staff meeting tomorrow that should be delightful. . .oy vey.
Glad to hear that you are doing better. It also sounds like this upcoming move has potentially made your H think a little bit? Really sounds like things are starting to look up.
I am sorry about the possibility of him going to Iraq. I can't imagine how difficult that must be to think about. Good thing is that right now you don't know whether that actually will happen, so you can make the most of the time you have, and it sounds like you have plans to do that.
I'm really happy for you that things are looking up, and that you are feeling happier.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I do think that he might be thinking a little. I was kinda shocked when he said he wanted to stay the night with me the night before. Last time he left he begged his sergent to stay with me but was not allowed to stay at the house with me and had to stay at the hotel with the rest of the guys. It was so heartbreaking. This will not be as hard because if everything goes well it will only be a month but any separation will be tough. I am glad he was honest and opened up about how he was feeling. I need to be strong for him. Last time he left we were both a mess the night before, I've never seen him cry like that before but the next day at the airport I stayed strong until he was on his plane and I was alone. I think it helped him. He still cried and was very upset but not as much as the night before. If that makes sense. So I need to keep it under control and do my crying alone so that he does not get freaked out.
It is a hard situation but God is in control and it must be happening at this time for a reason. My confidence comes and goes in waves. When I first heard I was devastated, then I calmed down, then I cried in the car, then we talked and I settled down again, etc.
Right now I am okay. I have a busy day ahead of me so I will not be thinking too much about it. He does want me to take off a day or two from work to be with him so I will have to talk about it a little at the staff meeting this afternoon. It's okay though. My employers are supportive and so are my coworkers. For that I am thankful and am sure it will be okay. It's sweet that he wants me to take time off.
The one good thing is that he will be allowed to take his cell phone so we can still text and talk probably daily if wanted/needed. When he was in boot camp we only got to talk once a week for fifteen minutes and that was brutal. AIT is much easier to deal with that way.
So we will be okay, if not better, coming out of this.
Ok so I am supposed to be sleeping right now. . .but I can't! I'm too excited! So I had to come on here and blog because no one else is awake to talk to! Lol.
I just had a half an hour long conversation with hubby during which we discussed moving in together when he get back from his training!!!
Let me start at the beginning. Earlier today I was out shopping after my staff meeting and was busy and asked him to call me later so we could sort out our plans-if there were any in the works-for later this week. He said he would when he got off work. So I was busy all night basically and thought he would be getting off at eleven so it was nearing that time and I was getting sleepy so I texted to make sure that was when he was getting off and he said he was already off for the night. I gotta admit I was a little pissed that he hadn't called in the two hours he had been off, since he had said he would. I held it back though and just said "oh ok" and then "thought you were gonna call" just nice. Not "why didn't you call jerk! I've been waiting. Blah blah blah!" Which is what I would have done in the past. . .oops.
So two seconds later he calls. He said he was really tired and in bed and that is why he had not called. I (still slightly irratated) said it was fine and that we could talk later if he wanted to go to sleep. He said it was fine.
So talk we did. . .we still did not make any solid plans for this week. At one moment he said he might take a couple of days away to be by himself, and while I do not want this I said no problem like a good little Venusian!
The conversation turned to army talk and he said "it's not that long anyways" and it kinda hurt because it felt like he was saying "it's no big deal, you're overreacting" but I just restated what I said yesterday about how in my mind it meant one step closer to sending him to war and that I did not know that we would make it through something like that given our fragile state. There was so much talk army and relationship wise. All good though. I stayed calm and spoke slowly and reinforced that I trust him to make good choices while he is away.
Ok now the really exciting part! Lol. On Thursday when we were spending the day together I asked him if he would come visit me at my new apartment (when I get my life pulled together enough to afford one that is. . .) and he said "we'll see" mystery hubby speak which generally has meant yes. And I can't remember exactly how it came out but I said something about getting a two bedroom so we could live together. He reminded me that I always said no to living like roomates, which is true. When we were living together and he would be mad and go sleep on the couch it would offend me and I would launch into my "we can't live like roomates" speech. But now I would be more okay with it because I know it wouldn't stay that way for long (no I did NOT say that part to him so put those 2x4s away) I just played it off and changed the subject. But tonight on the phone I said again how I would feel better about this whole situation with the army if I had some stability relationship wise and brought up living together. He said he had been thinking about what I had said and that it could work as long as we had seperate rooms and he could be left alone when he wanted to. I was really excited but at the same time pointed out a few pitfalls, being the realist that I am. First of all we live in different cities and I would get an apartment here. Second I would not be able to afford a 2 bedroom place without some financhial assistance. And third I would be fine with him going out to be with friends but there would be no friends coming to the apartment, this has always been my rule and one that has caused friction in the past. He agreed that the first two were issues and questioned the third one and I just said "because I do not, nor have I ever, felt comfortable with random guys that I do not know and who are disrespectful of me behind my back being in my house." I kinda put my foot down on that one because it really is a bit of a deal breaker for me. I am not a super social person when it comes to having people over. Family is fine in small doses (well my family anyways) and I have had friends over when he was away or to come over to watch a movie now and again. I know it sounds terribly one sided and in truth it is a double standard.
Anyways. . .I ended that conversation saying it could definatly work out but that I would rather discuss it a different time and place and he agreed. We said goodnight shortly thereafter and he is going to call me sometime tomorrow about possibly getting together after he does some packing.
Wow. . .I really am in shock. Can't believe there is a real chance that we could be moving back together in the next month or two. How insane!!! Even though it would be "roomates" status for now. I don't see any difference between that and being married except that we would have seperate rooms that as he said "would be off limits" to the other person, unless invited I assume. . .
We would still shop together, cook and eat together, hang out together and obviously have a lot more sex! Lol. And as I said before I would just have to DB my butt off to show that I can respect his need for space and that we can find a healthier way to deal with conflict. And once those things fell into place we would probably be able to turn the second room into an office like we had before (his man cave more preciesly) and try for happily ever after. . .again.
Sigh.
I gotta get me a job!
There was more conversation, I'll probably post more tomorrow as there were some other nuggets that could be up for speculation but those are the highlights. I really do need to go to bed. Tell me what you guys think!!!
I know you're going to bed now, but just wanted to say wow!!! This is exactly where I would like to get to with my H.
Well done Daisy! So happy for you,
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I really still can't believe it. He brought it up 100% on his own and usually when he gets something in his sights that he wants then he goes after it. I replayed the conversation like ten times before I went to sleep last night. Lol.
This morning I have been trying to think of ways to make it work, like compromises I could make to make it the "easy" choice when he comes home. There is a city somewhat between here and the city he lives in. I am not 100% sure we could afford to live there but it we were both paying our half, as roomates, we could probably afford it. It would be a little farther away that I would like but then again I would have my hubby back so I would deal with it.
I am not going to bring it up again until a little later down the road since I know he is dealing with army stuff as he gets ready to leave. However I think if he initiates the conversation I will go along with it. Is that right? I just know I am not going to push it. I am just going to hang back, find that second source of income, and wait it out a little. I could stay here at my parents for another month or two without going crazy if I knew that when he got home we could move in together again.
Something about this army situation has really got him thinking. I'm not gonna question it I am just gonna smile!
I cannot tell you how happy I am for you :). Maybe the army thing is making him "grow up" a little bit and think about the future. I have a very good feeling Daisy, I really do.
I think you've come such a long way in such a relatively short period of time.
It's also great that your H brought this up on his own. Wow. Since it's his idea, the he is more likely to go through with it than if you'd pushed it...
Can't wait to hear more from you on this!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
