Patrick! Whoosh. I'm just one guy, but I've give you my take.
Soon-to-be-ex wife asking to Borrow money? The answer is NO. This is a really easy one. And if it hurts you to say no, then consider it a growth opportunity for yourself. Something you need to get better at - saying NO to her. I feel it is totally appropriate to brainstorm with her about other ways to solve her problem, like borrowing from her family, friends, getting a job, etc. But DO NOT lend her money. She is stringing you along. This is her controlling you. You wrote she was being a little less controlling than normal... Bullspit. She is asking to borrow money. Just say NO.
Agreeing for her to take an early (partial) advance on the money out of the marriage is no problem. That is her money, she's just getting it early. No problem with that.
but she keeps telling me that I couldn't make her happy and she hopes I learn how to make another woman happy(that hurts)... I'm sure it doesn't feel good. Is she right? Did you make her happy? Did you do what you could to make her happy? Could you improve in that area? If so, do it. If not, forget it.
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But I want so bad to work this out and I am so tempted to pour my heart out to her but I know I can't...what can I do?? I would love to be her knight in shining armor but I don't want to be her doormat either. I had to reiterate to her that I have to take care of myself because I have noone to help me with a place to stay or pay my bills if I lost my job. I could lend her some money but it would eat into my emergency money and right now it is important to have. Everytime I think things can't get worse or more difficult they do....
If I were there I would shake you. Snap out of it man!
Of course you want this to work out. Of course you do. But it might not. So what now?
She doesn't need a knight to save her. She needs reality to bite her. There is nothing better you can do for her, than let life happen to her. Let consequences occur. Let it be. That is the best thing right now. You focus on you. Keep your savings. Don't lend it to her, or anyone. You don't need to re-iterate anything to her, or explain why you are not lending her money. Just say NO. There is no explanation required. Just NO.
And yes, you should not pour out your heart to her. She already knows how you feel.
