FIB, I don't think you sold yourself out. You did the respectable thing, the Miss Manners thing. Which is fine and good.
G*d is not made at you for what you did. You kept the peace, you didn't cause a scene. Good for you.
Quote:
I missed dinner with my family and they were angry at me...feeling that my W wears the pants here.
That's where you get to show who wears the pants. Your family has no right to be angry with you. You're doing your best in a difficult situation and I'm sure you'd appreciate a little understanding and compassion on their part. It's awkward, but we can all still act with grace.
Because you are your own man, you won't adopt the emotions of everyone else. They are angry on your behalf. They want to protect you. You don't need that from them. And you own your own emotions. You won't be angry simply because they are. You won't be embarassed because they are angry. You know you are doing the best you can. And that's enough.
Nic....dead on. Glam..is it possible you are projecting?
To SirPrizeMe...thanks for your continued support. I have stayed focused on my kids and sometimes my decisions, I think, come across as weak to my family. I am not trying to win any contests here.
I love my son and daughter. My needs come second.
Finally...I type this onboard the plane returning from LA. I retrieved the contract and now it is time to review it and decide on my future. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I wonder if what you see here is actually yourself. I know that you have posted in the past that you can relate to FIB's wife, that you can understand how she feels. Could it be that you are so busy seeing yourself in her, and trying to make FIB see that (as you would like your H to), that you can't see what is really there? I think you are off the mark here.
Not to come down on glamgirl but I want to mention that once upon a time here on the boards I went through a stage in which, because of my own guilt, I couldn't separate myself - my pain and regret - from what I perceived to be the potential pain and regret of the MLC wife of a poster that needed to let her go.
What Nic suggests is a very real possibility, glamgirl. Guilt, regret and that damned 20/20 vision you get when you're looking back can make you almost NEED to play a role in "making" a man stand.
Perhaps God IS laying this on your heart. It does happen and I'm not one to say if it's happening to you or not but I do know this:
You have to search every corner of your own heart and pray repeatedly about a sitch such as this before you post and possibly lay undeserved (and perhaps even unmanageable) grief and guilt on another person who has already been through so much.
Glamgirl, it took a personal telephone conversation with the poster I previously mentioned before I grasped the depth of the pain he'd already endured and that it was TIME for him to stand down and save himself before he became another casuality of his wife's crisis.
Sometimes a MLCer HAS to be LET GO OF COMPLETELY to even have a chance to realize what things really matter.
amyC...I know that I don't participate much in YOUR sitch...but I want you to know how much you MEAN to me in mine. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I still do some 'odd stuff' here. Eg...while in the airport at LAX, I promised my kids to bring them back some little thing. I saw a cool T shirt that I almost bought for my STBXW. $24. I stopped....and didn't buy it.
Why?
It was the old W I had in my mind. I DID buy her something. I bought her a small keychain.
Why?
Because...in my heart..it still behooves me to make this a co-parenting relationship over a parallel parenting one.
Many may recall that I played lacrosse for over 13 years and started a club at a large U. that went on to become an NCAA I team. I loved the game. I used to find that...and maybe bworl will confirm this as a coach himself...that no matter how great a team you are, frequently, if you play the worst team in the world, you begin to play as bad as they do during the game.
It is hard right now for me to disengage from what she projects onto me. It is easy, sometimes, to be brainwashed into thinking that this whole mess was my fault....that all my legal filings 'were complete lies'....that I should be selling newspapers to keep my home.
However To Glamgirl...I am also not so 'blameless' to forget my beginnings here: -I am reading the Fireproof companion book -I talk to my W; still make HER coffee -I post all soccer meetings, calendar events, etc..even if she doesn't do the same for me...because I KNOW my kids need their mom in their lives -I still need to do this for ME....for my KIDs...for my next relationship IF I ever meet a woman who will fall in love with me again.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
ford..nic...I appreciate the input but it is still not easy. I DO still have to 'wrassle' with my inner being:
I filed.
She is now:
PTA committee for Nutrition and Environment
Teaching after school class 'Motion and Aerobics'
Starting a cub scout den/den mother
continuing in school
Under normal circumstances, this would be...well..uh...er..normal. It would be nicer tho' if she was working full-time so that foreclosure proceedings don't begin.
$130 per month for piano lessons for D5 $100 enrollment fee for that class above Cub scout fees/uniform/ etc.
Gas bill and electric for this month...still not paid.
BIF
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Went to services with my W this morning. She looked hot. I told her she looked beautiful, even if she would have me arrested in a heartbeat and kicked out of my home. Prefer to stay to the high road.
I'm more worried now about financials vs. my D or loss of my W.
Sad.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
