Im done.

[bluerain]

Hi guys. Its been a while. Im not so great. H moved to Virginia, I knew he was going to, so thats no surprise. Ive been doing really well, until the last week or so. I have become so sad. I had come to terms with my marriage being over for all intents and purposes months ago. He for some reason still wont sign the papers, he wont say why, or that he wants to get back together or anything, just refused to even touch them.

I am so disorganized, I cant focus, I got my first D's in school, college, you know classes that I paid $600 a piece for. I cant afford to fail at this! I cant. I cant study, I cant be like this, I have to fix it.

I am so frustrated that I am still paying for his affair! Havent I lost enough? I sent him some very angry text messages the other day. Got a littany of "Im so sorry's" back. he told me that he just hides out in his apartment from the world and has to be drunk to sleep. I asked him why I should care. I also told him that it brings me a small measure of comfort to know that the person he has become doesnt settle well with him either.

But he still has the little whores pic on his myspace, as his #1 friend, with my pic right next to her. Really? she destroyed my life, and then cheated on him, and shes still #1? If he wants to entertain any possibilty of reconciling (even so much as) our friendship he will take her off of there. Its disrespectful, disgusting, and pathetic, probably more, but I cant think of anything else to say right now!

I am an emotional wreck, I am fuming angry one minute (at anyone with the nerve to speak to me!), and sobbing the next. I already worked through this 6 months ago didnt I? I have been seeing this wonderful man for a few months now, and I have come to terms with my failure in my marriage. Even when things were at their very worst, and when he was moving out, it wasnt like this. I am constantly switching negative emotions, and I am so tired. I just cant seem to get a grip.

Thanks you guys for checking in.