just writing a few thoughts H is still talking to ow, the calls were on the cell bill online. One call was for 60 minutes. It was showing as an outgoing call, so he is calling ow, not just ow calling him.
He does still say he is going to stay wih me and is not going anywhere, but I don't know, I cannot trust him, that may be gone forever, and many times I feel I don't love him all that much anymore. I think he could still be saved, but I don't believe he wants to be. I was reading some in the book Not Just Friends today, and it is such an insightful book.
Things have been so emotional and hectic, his F has terminal cancer, my mother had a stroke a few months ago, I think his mother is under a lot of stress, and my stepfather who had a stroke two years ago, has just given up, and would rather lie in bed and have a nurse clean him up, when he was up using a walker before, and was on his way to recovery. It is hard and awful to watch your parents get old, and sick. Oh, well, the circle of life. Makes me think of the song Lightning Crashes, especially the part where it says an old mother dies, and her confusion now belongs to the baby down the hall. My mother, when she had the stroke, and we didn't know if she was going to live or not, was in a hospital where the unit where she was, was down the hall from the maternity ward. That song came on the radio on my way home, and I cried all the way home.
I think I am making myself depressed, and I need to go and cook supper to take my mind off everything.
