Please don't let her appearance fool you. I hadn't seen her before going and when we walked in I was thinking "she looks like everyone's sweet old granny!" but ohhh no. She's nice, but what make her a great mC is that she's VERY direct and to the point, and solution focused. NO ONE can get my H to open up.. seriously.. friends, family, me, he just DOES NOT talk about emotional stuff. She got him to talk. I was in shock. And they really hit it off actually - they talked cars and racing a little bit, and she even cussed a few times talking with him (which I know sounds weird as a positive.. but it helped him "click" with her better I think.. he's a mechanic, what can I say??) We sat through a lot of long uncomfortable silences when it was his turn to answer something (and after she had told me "don't try to fill in the answer for him"... it's tough not to do).
She's a bit pricey so ask about that first if it's an issue for you, but in my opinion it was worth every penny. One good think with the "solution focused" is that they're not looking for a long drawn out process, so while it's pricey, it's fewer appointments. I think she told me on average she sees people for 3-6 months and usually less often than weekly.
What she'll probably do is see you both the first time, then see each of you individually, then see you together again depending on what happens in the individual sessions. I strongly suggest staying quiet when she asks who wants to have their one on one first, in hopes she'll "steer" your H to go first. That reduces any chance he'll feel like you somehow have an 'edge' because she heard your side of the story first.
Pro marriage is tough for an MC who's going to work with both of you. It works for the DB coaches because usually the one who wants the M is the one talking to them - they don't have to "convince" you that the M is worth saving. When you're both in there, the MC has to respect BOTH of your feelings. When one wants in and one wants out... trying to "convince" the one who wants out that they should stay won't work. It just invalidates their feelings and immediately makes them distrust the counselor. What they have to aim for is helping you each figure out what you want - then helping you deal with that.
I always felt that she wanted the best for each of us, and I think H felt that way too. I think that's why it worked - there was no foregone conclusion that staying M was "best." On the flip side though, there was no foregone conclusion that D is best just because things have gone "too far" - I think with most counselors THAT'S where the problem is. They practically assume it's over the minute you start talking.
To answer your question about us.. no, we were not both working on the M. After the first bomb and a month or so of begging and pleading (yeah I know!), he finally agreed to go. Be prepared, because this can be very very painful when you're both in different spots. In some ways I feel like he used MC as a "safe" place to bomb me... it was there I heard he felt "trapped" into marrying me and such. I used up a lot of her Kleenex (which fortunately she has a lot of).
In spite of that, a LOT of good came out of it. First off like I said she managed to get him to open up, so at least I could hear what the issues were, and she helped clarify some things or get him to expand on vague things he'd told me with the "bomb." In the first session, H told me that he was "done" and it was over, but he was willing to go to MC for a little while to help me deal with it. In his individual session... she sensed some ambivalence.. I don't know what exactly happened, but ultimately, he went from being "done" to wanting a 6 month "trial separation."
She also helped keep things in perspective in terms of what was fair to me (not just legal - fair). She told H "You're the one who wants out - she shouldn't have to suffer the penalty for that while you're separated and thinking about it. You need to agree on what you feel is right" - I forget the exact wording, but it resulted in H moving (instead of trying to make me move as he had been), and paying half the house payment and bills (utils etc.). It was more than I was legally entitled to, but she appealed to H's sense of right/wrong there.
Please don't get me wrong - she DID NOT take sides, at all. I was totally impressed with her ability to get things done, make us both feel heard and respected, but NOT feel like she was taking sides whatsoever.
In my individual sessions - she REALLY gave me that "girl power" vibe too. An hour with her got me feeling soo strong.. stronger than months of work on my own.
She also gave me concrete suggestions that worked really well. One example - at the time H and I were still both trying to be "friends" with OW (barf!). I told MC how it bothered me that "the three of us" (OMG..barf again) would go out somewhere and people would think he was there with her, or I'd feel like she was subtlely putting me down while moving in on my H. MC asked if I ended up kinda hiding in the shades and feeling lonely when that happened - um, yeah!! She said "Don't do that! You stay right there on H's arm, smiling and happy and having fun - be the attractive one, not the sad boring one. And when she gets inappropriate or does something b!tchy you give her that look. You're a woman - think back to your confident dating days - you KNOW the look. That one that makes her look stupid, and makes everyone around you know what she's doing is WRONG." Then she demo'd "the look" for me. .. damn, she was good at it!
We had a good laugh and I said I'd try - she said "No trying, just do it." I ended up feeling SO much stronger after that session that I never did try "the look." I just set a boundary that I would no longer be in her presence, period. She's not welcome in my house, I'm not going to hers or anywhere with her. Yes, it meant H went out sometimes and I KNOW she was there - but me taking care of myself got more important than me fighting off the skank. She wasn't worth it.
Just one example.. she had lots of great ideas.
Honestly, we never went to her at a time when we were both working on the M. I wish H would go, but when things are going well for us he has this "We don't need MC, we're doing great!" attitude. He'll only go when things have gotten really bad and he wants to leave. At least, that's what happened the two times we got to that point. Hopefully there won't be a third.
I forget how many sessions we had with her total - probably 2 together and I think he had 1 individual, I had two... something like that. When we separated the plan was to go back at the end of the 6 months to re-evaluate where we were. H came back much quicker than that and things were going great for many months - I asked him to go once and he didn't see the point since we were doing great. Until he wanted out again last October.. then, he was willing to go to help me through it (again), but not to work on anything.
H skipped our first joint appt. and canceled his individual one, telling me he planned to reschedule. When he didn't reschedule I called her to see what happened, and she was surprised he hadn't told me anything, said it was unfair and he was supposed to. He had canceled because it was "pointless" because we were done. ouch. He didn't need to talk to anyone about it, mind was made up. I'm pretty sure he was afraid she'd talk him into a trial sep again when his mind was set on D.
I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to go see her to work on improving things in our M, but so far H won't go for it because of course everything's great right now.. why talk to an MC? ugh. I keep asking every so often though. I would actually love to see her as an IC, but if I do that she said we couldn't go back to her as an MC. She just feels it's not possible for both spouses to continue to see her as a neutral party if that happens.
OK that was really long winded. Sorry!
Long story very short.. call her! She's awesome. At least a quick consult on the phone.. and I'd really recommend spending the $$ for the first appointment to see what you think.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
And they really hit it off actually - they talked cars and racing a little bit, and she even cussed a few times talking with him (which I know sounds weird as a positive.. but it helped him "click" with her better I think.. he's a mechanic, what can I say??) We sat through a lot of long uncomfortable silences when it was his turn to answer something (and after she had told me "don't try to fill in the answer for him"... it's tough not to do). 
.. damn, she was good at it! 
ouch. He didn't need to talk to anyone about it, mind was made up. I'm pretty sure he was afraid she'd talk him into a trial sep again when his mind was set on D. 