WAW: Watching & Waiting (part deux)

[Bridgestone]

Hi Tim,
Thanks for checking on me. I was out of town from Monday to Thursday and it was such a relief. I don't think I realized how much I needed a break from this.

Before I left H & I talked a bit about the C. and I left it in his court whether or not he was comfortable going back to him or not. He decided 'not'. He cancelled his appointment he had for C yesterday.

We spent a bit of time together on Sunday before I left and then when he dropped by to see D on his way through town last night. Each time it has been less than an hour.

And I have been pretty good about dropping the rope & being more explicit with what I am feeling and need. I think that has him off balance, which makes me nervous, because when he is off balance he is more likely to become overwhelemed with emotions, which means unpredictable behaviour. Unpredictable behaviour from him is scary for me.

The late night/early morning phone calls have resumed, but I have had my phone on silent almost all the time and it just goes to voicemail, so it really isn't bothering me.

However, I struggle with the guilt of not being available to him when he wants to talk, but I have also heard from him that he thinks as long as I pick up the phone & talk to him that things are still 'ok'.

Things are not 'ok'. I am needing to finish my degree by May, and yet I need to start looking for jobs for next school year now.. which adds a whole layer of stress.

Where do I start to look? Locally is not an option for what I do. I'm looking at at least a 75 mile commute to the next closest place that hires people that do what I do. These jobs only open during the next few months of the year and then not again until this time next year.

Do I look further afield to parts of the country where I have friends? That means D stays here with him or I take her away from her Dad, or things have been pieced together enough that he comes along. None of which seem to viable options for me now.

I am awash with anxiety about life choices right now.
But on the other hand, I can let it go and GAL, at least for a while. I have faith that God will show me something eventually and it will work out.

Thanks again for checking on me!
Peace
Bridge