I don't really know what to say....things are trundling on as usual. Most days are fine and good. Little by little life is returning and things are moving to memory, I guess.
I sent H an very brief e-mail on Tuesday about a contact from a friend of ours. He replied in kind saying that I could mail said friend if I wanted to. Friend is H's friend whose wife has just had a baby. I haven't mailed said friend, but should this weekend.
On Wednesday we exchanged a couple of e-mails and met up for a work event in the evening. It was a spontaneous outing, which is something Jody suggested I try. The evening was nice- free wine always helps. H and I went for a couple of drinks beforehand and had a lovely time. He was able to hold eye contact in the manner of a normal friend, which was interesting. He also brought up some different conversation topics which were fun and interesting. We had a nice time there. At the event H was fun and funny. He spent most of the time talking to me and a couple of my friends. We went to a pub afterwards and talked more. H mentioned a couple of things showing he knew details of my life- interesting as my other friends were two guys.
On the way to the tube I gave H a hug and we held hands (I tried arms round each other but that wasn't a flyer). As I got off the tube I tried a 180 and gave him a kiss on the lips then walked away. he looked surprised- I guess it was a genuine 180 for me to initiate something like that.
The next day my friends e-mailed to say they'd had a good evening. I replied agreeing and saying I was looking forward to the next evening. Within minutes H had also mailed them with an almost identical message (obviously we think alike). That was the last 'contact'. Fair enough- either he's moved on or is in his cave. I feel un-worried about it, and not worried about the effect of the kiss. Life is short, as we were all reminded this week.
I think on the H front I'm going to let him come to me/give him some space for a while now. *sigh* he looked gorgeous and tanned from his holiday. I didn't ask about it at all and he didn't mention it either. Fair enough.....
Work has been a bit stressful this week. I think we're suffering as a result of the banking crisis and CEO has been really stressed. Hopefully we can weather the storm, although I wondered today whether change was in the air and he might be moving on. I felt sad about that- he's actually a great person to work for, very intelligent and strategically minded. We exchanged some banter by e-mail this week and he's been making an effort to speak to me in spite of the heavy workload/stress he must be under.
Today we chose the rest of the appliances for his kitchen, including new pans for the hob. Sweetly he said that 'we' didn't need to make a final decision on the hob yet. He also went to some trouble to explain the details of who he went to lunch with today (it was a woman and I saw them. Ha!). Apparently not a woman he's interested in, but one who has a crush on him. I told him I got asked out by the hot guy who I see on the tube this morning. (Which I did, and the guy is HOT. And young, but flattering nonetheless). It was a shame to not be able to carry on our conversation- CEO was looking at me as we walked, and brushed against me occassionally, and the subject matter was R based. All our conversations when we're alone usually are for some reason. Sweet and flattering is he, while H continues to perplex and confuse, albeit from a position of showing flashes of this amazing guy that he is inside.
We'll see what happens, I guess. Maybe H will contact me this week and maybe not. Maybe he's in a withdrawal period in his crisis- that would feel like a bit of progress on that front at least.
Thanks to all for your suggestions of radical action, either as an R talk or 'dark'. As MWD says in DR for MLC, ultimatums etc are unlikely to work. Jody agreed on this. Similarly, the advice is to lovingly distance. That's what I'm doing so I think we'll see how that goes over the next few weeks.
You should both come over here- there seem to be a few HGs around. Julia got ogled by one on the train after choir on Tuesday too- they're everywhere!
I forgot to write in my post earlier that H was checking out my rack when we saw each other, which I took as a good sign. If only it wasn't illegal to walk around with them hanging out (and too cold!)
Hey Lisa, I was wondering where you were too.. sounds like you are busy and happy in a sense and getting on with your life in the meantime. It does sound like more of the same from him, but that its good more of the same. I like your plan, what else can you do after all this time and you have been stuck for a while now with the 'nice' evenings out. Missed you!
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
So, you are so objective and document what is going on, but how do you FEEL about what is going on? I wonder how you feel in the position you are currently in.
I wonder what your H is up to, what he is thinking, what you want from all this, what you are LEARNING from all this. I'm curious.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
I like the bold move, i.e. the kiss on the lips. From everything you post, it really does seem as though your H is comfortable being around you, definitely sees you as at least a good friend, doesn't mind hanging out with mutual friends even in the middle of this weird sitch etc.
So, no ultimatums, no R talks. Understood. I am wondering then, given the CEO situation, how you are feeling about everything? Someone else mentioned this. You seem so positive, and seem to be doing so well, but are you getting confused yourself? I wonder whether at some point you may need to have the R talk if you are considering getting involved with someone else or would you simply get involved without discussing it with your H? Just curious, no value judgment there either way.
How are you feeling about the situation progressing? Do you feel like it has progressed? It just seems so OBVIOUS that he still loves you from his actions...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
