I guess it's over

[Trixi]

OMG Trixi... tell me you're not serious. Stand up and take SOME kind of control of your life. After all of that, you're still giving him complete control of whatever your "status" might be???

Per him- since we have been seeing eachother, he has not seen anyone else. He did take his match profile down when I asked him to. Having said that- he has given me as much "commitment" as he can and he no longer wants to be married.
I guess I sort of felt like it was up to him to pull the plug because it is NOT what *I* want. And I was feeling like he was backing me into a corner to force ME to do it, so he could say "Well, *she* left *me*".
Regarding the party issue being the straw that broke the camels back--it was the contrast of always feeling shut *out* of H's life (*never* invited to social events with H) and then the non-date guy inviting me to a dinner party he was throwing with 6 other people, bowling with 2 other people, a house party with countless other people...IOW, he wouldn't be ashamed (or whatever my H is) to be seen with me. It was THAT realization that made me pissed. But, indeed, currently it is not relevant.

What are you going to do to pull yourself out of it? What things can you do, just for you, to take care of and comfort yourself? I'm serious.. think of some ideas.

In the immediate future (today) I will be making some calls to try to drum up business. Might go out tonight--maybe not. Still pretty weepy. Tomorrow night is a cooking meetup--I'll be going to that.

I know this feeling but when you think about it, not really.. not totally. You had some wonderful times in there too, didn't you? You even got to go on your dream trip to Costa Rica.

This is true. But for right now, it makes me even sadder. Still just so confused about how things switched so dramatically afterwards. The difference shocks me, I suppose. And I look at that and say "See! I know it can be good."

Let's try to add one more "wave" in there... "I'm going to become strong and happy all on my own, build a wonderful future and fulfill my dreams... who knows, maybe some lucky guy will get to share that with me."

Don't make your only "happy" or "I'll be OK" future be dependent on him coming back.

Yes, good point. Very good point.
And probably, by now, there is so much bad blood between my family and his family...I don't know how we would get everyone to get along. Not that it matters.
I remember only 6 months ago we were talking about how it would be to get back together and the issues with family and friends and furniture--he was very positive and said that none of those things mattered. That if we reconciled, those things were not a problem.
Damn a lot changes in half a year.