Fireproof.....well, not really

[sgctxok]

blondes and redheads...

it gets ugly...

[faithisbelieving]

My first serious gf was a redhead...my W is a blonde. Gotta stop choosing wrong. LOL.

Difficult religious post to follow...hope you'll all read...this is complicated stuff...not jr. DB stuff. Thanks. FIB

PS...welcome back SGCT.....I wouldn't feel at home without 'controversy'....LOL. I'm sure you understand that line. LOL.
FIB

to ford...ooooOOOOOoooooOOOOAHHHHH......HAYAH!!!!!!!

FIB

[faithisbelieving]

PS....I'll be in CA tomorrow night for 24...BBQ anyone? FIB

[WCW]

Hi FIB ---

Except there is never a never. You can ALWAYS make changes. And you CAN change her perception of you. You may not want to, and you don't have to...but you CAN.

This is so true.

you can also sew a set of balls on your aunt and call her your uncle.

Sg, you know i'm pretty dense. what kinda changes are we talking here?

as always.

Love Ford.

Well, look at how FIB changed his W.
She has gone from a dispicable mother who left her own kids sit in soiled clothes with no food and just the tv for a babysitter to now being SuperMom and being totally involved in every aspect of their lives. That's quite a change!

FIB, you are not on an easy road to D the person while living in the same house. Of course there will be high emotion and bursts of anger from both sides.

Do you recognize the changes in your W? I know you cannot get over '3 men' and will continue with the D and I am not faulting or accusing that anything should be different, but do you see anything positive about your W that can help this transition for you to coparent with her?

I feel so much hurt for your 2 kids who are being jerked between parents who both love them.

ford - did you hear about the lady who got hired in the Tickle Me Elmo factory? On her very first day there were Elmo dolls backed up in huge piles. The supervisor was furious and went to the hiring manager to complain. The manager went out to talk to the new lady and when he got to the middle of the pile and saw the lady he started laughing hysterically. She was taking 2 little marbles and putting them in a small bag and sewing them between the legs of each doll. The manager walked over and said to her 'I hired you to do two test tickles.'

[faithisbelieving]

HI all. I'm looking for some input.I hope you will all look at this post NOT as a who is right or who is wrong...nor a one religion being better than another...but a father in a sad divorce trying to make on the spot decisions.

I feel I sold myself out...before myself and G-d.

As most may know, my W converted for me when we got married. She withdrew from this as she withdrew from me. I am not super religious, but, celebrate important holidays. Every year, Rosh Hashanah (RH) is celebrated across the street at my sister's house. I put it on our calendar. The day before, my W told me she was doing it at our house. Despite my CALM requests...that it would be in the best interest of the children to be across the street with their grandma and cousin's, she refused.

• she is the mom..they are best with her
• she is not going to be excluded from the religious upbringing of the children
• it' not going to be my way all the time

That evening, I called the law guardian and asked her to come up with a schedule for us. The next day, I came home from work...the kitchen table was made...charger plates and napkin ring holders and all...table set for 4. I was torn. If i took the kids across the street it would make a scene. My W had started making dinner in front of the kids.

I ate dinner with them, then, took the kids across the street. I missed dinner with my family and they were angry at me...feeling that my W wears the pants here.

Next morning, services for us were at 9 and my family at 1130 (divided by initials). I wasn't going to go. I was lying in bed when from downstairs I heard:

S8: Ma....is dad coming with us his morning?
W: Yes

Hurting. I decided to go. I sat with the kids between us. Unbenknownst to me, the rabbi's sermon ended talking about interfaith marriages and...suddenly...asked those families to come up to the front/stage..in front of hundreds of people. My W came to services wearing a large blue turquoise cross on her chest. She took the kids by the hands..began to go forward and asked me if I was going.

For a moment...I was crushed, hurt and paralyzed. I didn't MARRY interfaith.....I won't HAVE an interfaith M when I am D'd. But..there was my W taking my two beautiful children up..in front of all those people.....leaving questions about their dad.

I got up...went..put my hands on my childrens shoulders..and..in great pain....I kept an upbeat straight face.

I haven't told my family about this. I felt contolled. I felt I sold myself out. I feel tremendous guilt. I am not sure if my decisions were correct..made out of stupid residual hope..out of fear of hurting my children (at ages 5 and 8, would they have been hurt? isn't divorce a separation? isn't this false hope and hurting the kids to keep this up?)

Honesty here counts. Thank you for your support.

FIB

[faithisbelieving]

To WCW...they say positives come out of all this. Back to Gladiator..the general who became a slave...the slave who became a gladiator....the gladiator who challenged an emperor.

The lost woman who now is a mother with ? direction?. Will it last?

FIB

[smith18]

FIB -

What was the reason the rabbi was calling the interfaith families to the front?

[faithisbelieving]

KerryK..To thank them...I guess....for continuing the traditions and faith. I will say one thing...my W always promised that she would NOT change the kids even after SHE changed. To date she has kept her promise, although, she once said that for the sake of the kids she would keep her last.name. Not so at the Meet the Teacher night.Recall..that I never had issues with her converting back...even bought her a tree two Xmas' ago...although it hurt. She claimed it was a precondition to marriage..that I tried to 'change her'..even tho' each year I tried to meet her needs (lights in the house and outside..gift from Santa). We always spent eve and day at her parent's house...full celebration. FIB

[glamgirl]

I am praying for you FIB. Everytime I read your thread God gives me the same message. I don't see your wife as the person that is painted here.

I see her as a beautiful woman that is confused, broken and has lost her way. The same feeling comes over me each time I read is that you were a good provider to your w and family and God wants you to know that, but that something is missing with meeting your w's emotional needs.

Don't know what that could be, but maybe it will make sense to you. I get the same feeling that their is some communciation break down between the two of you.

Don't know if any of this will make sense to you, but I have a strong belief in God and the same thing comes to me each time.

I will continue to pray for you. God Bless!

[princess_nic]

Glamgirl,

I wonder if what you see here is actually yourself. I know that you have posted in the past that you can relate to FIB's wife, that you can understand how she feels. Could it be that you are so busy seeing yourself in her, and trying to make FIB see that (as you would like your H to), that you can't see what is really there? I think you are off the mark here.

Those of us who have been with FIB this whole ride know how much he loves his wife, and how hard he has tried to show her that, in many, many ways, not just the material ones.

Yes, she's broken. Is she confused? I don't really know. Maybe not. Is all this just due to a communication breakdown? No, that is for sure.

FIB,

Just a little reminder that this is so hard b/c you are still living together. It won't be an issue when you officially split b/c you will be able to make a visitation schedule that allows you primary access to the children on the Jewish holidays, and her on the Christian ones.

Is she sincere? Who knows? It doesn't matter. You are dealing with an incredibly difficult situation with dignity.

Now might be a good time to firm up plans for Yom Kippur, so there are no surprises.

Love,
Nicola