One other thing I would suggest is that when you do go to C, try to sit back and let him talk! It is too easy for most of us to jump right on the C bandwagon and start pouring it out. Then they just sit back, clam up, and won't contribute (at least my experience).
I wish I had let H lead the conversation at the sessions- we may have gotten further
YES! Please be sure to do this!
As another male DBer pointed out to me, the C knows he/she's got you there, and they already know you're willing to talk. Your H, OTOH, may not be. They are aware of this, too.
Give him plenty of opportunity to get the ball rolling whenever the C poses a question that's directed towards either one of you. When my H and I were going to MC, I turned to him after the C asked us something and gently suggested, "Why don't you go ahead first." That's really all it took for my H to open up.
Unfortunately in my sitch, the C we had did more harm than good in the four sessions we saw her. She did not help us find SOLUTIONS. She did not help us come up with a "plan" to work through our problems together. All she did was tell us what we already knew - that we were in an unhealthy M and it might be best to just call it quits. At the time, that was the last nail in the coffin my H needed.
Remember: Pro-marriage and Solution-based.
(((CW)))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
