I guess it's over

[NikB]

Ah thanks for clarifying - that makes sense. It sounds to me like you fell into that same trap of expecting him to act like your H.. when he wanted to act like, at best, a guy you were interested in dating. You wouldn't get mad at a guy you were interested in for going to a party on a Friday night.

But in any case.. that's not really relevant at this point.

I don't think that we're exclusively dating anymore;

OMG Trixi... tell me you're not serious. Stand up and take SOME kind of control of your life. After all of that, you're still giving him complete control of whatever your "status" might be???

Please, please tell me this was something you were thinking BEFORE the conversation on Sunday but not NOW. (as in "I don't think that we WERE exclusively dating anymore..")

OK.. done with the 2x4, sorry if it was too much... I was just totally shocked to read that.

13.5 years down the crapper.

Aww Trixi.. I know this feeling but when you think about it, not really.. not totally. You had some wonderful times in there too, didn't you? You even got to go on your dream trip to Costa Rica. You'll always have those great memories and the things that helped make you who you are.

I am vascilating between despair and denial.

I'm sorry - I really am because I know how much this hurts.

What are you going to do to pull yourself out of it? What things can you do, just for you, to take care of and comfort yourself? I'm serious.. think of some ideas.

I go thru waves of "OMG. I'm never going to get to be with him again. I'm alone. There's no one out there that will compare. I miss him" to "That's fine. He'll be back. He always is. He needs to work whatever out."

Let's try to add one more "wave" in there... "I'm going to become strong and happy all on my own, build a wonderful future and fulfill my dreams... who knows, maybe some lucky guy will get to share that with me."

Don't make your only "happy" or "I'll be OK" future be dependent on him coming back.