HI all. I'm looking for some input.I hope you will all look at this post NOT as a who is right or who is wrong...nor a one religion being better than another...but a father in a sad divorce trying to make on the spot decisions.
I feel I sold myself out...before myself and G-d.
As most may know, my W converted for me when we got married. She withdrew from this as she withdrew from me. I am not super religious, but, celebrate important holidays. Every year, Rosh Hashanah (RH) is celebrated across the street at my sister's house. I put it on our calendar. The day before, my W told me she was doing it at our house. Despite my CALM requests...that it would be in the best interest of the children to be across the street with their grandma and cousin's, she refused.
she is the mom..they are best with her
she is not going to be excluded from the religious upbringing of the children
it' not going to be my way all the time
That evening, I called the law guardian and asked her to come up with a schedule for us. The next day, I came home from work...the kitchen table was made...charger plates and napkin ring holders and all...table set for 4. I was torn. If i took the kids across the street it would make a scene. My W had started making dinner in front of the kids.
I ate dinner with them, then, took the kids across the street. I missed dinner with my family and they were angry at me...feeling that my W wears the pants here.
Next morning, services for us were at 9 and my family at 1130 (divided by initials). I wasn't going to go. I was lying in bed when from downstairs I heard:
S8: Ma....is dad coming with us his morning? W: Yes
Hurting. I decided to go. I sat with the kids between us. Unbenknownst to me, the rabbi's sermon ended talking about interfaith marriages and...suddenly...asked those families to come up to the front/stage..in front of hundreds of people. My W came to services wearing a large blue turquoise cross on her chest. She took the kids by the hands..began to go forward and asked me if I was going.
For a moment...I was crushed, hurt and paralyzed. I didn't MARRY interfaith.....I won't HAVE an interfaith M when I am D'd. But..there was my W taking my two beautiful children up..in front of all those people.....leaving questions about their dad.
I got up...went..put my hands on my childrens shoulders..and..in great pain....I kept an upbeat straight face.
I haven't told my family about this. I felt contolled. I felt I sold myself out. I feel tremendous guilt. I am not sure if my decisions were correct..made out of stupid residual hope..out of fear of hurting my children (at ages 5 and 8, would they have been hurt? isn't divorce a separation? isn't this false hope and hurting the kids to keep this up?)
Honesty here counts. Thank you for your support.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
