And now I just got my flight details and I won't get to the house before 11 PM...:(
H IMd me and said "pretty late". Trying not to read into why he's annoyed, and just hoping it's because he was looking forward to seeing me, not wanting some huge R talk.
Already wondering about the sleeping arrangements too! What if I get there and he's in the spare room or something???
OK breathing now. I am going to have the most amazing as-if attitude from now until Monday night. There is no way that he'd want to initiate some R talk on Monday night at 11, I hope. If he does take the spare room, I will be gracious, though also counter the move with some skimpy sleepwear. I am going to be happy, smiling, and fun, no sad puppy dog eyes, no leaping into his arms...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
What?? You are flying to Paris for the day and telling us not to be jealous...HA! LoL.
Good luck next week. Everything that you wrote down seems very reasonable and doable. Stick to it and you should be GREAT!!!
Maybe he was disappointed because he was expecting to see you earlier, but you know what there is no point in pondering over it as you can't read his mind!! Just act "As-if" that is the reason and do what you have to do!!!
I wouldn't worry about it. It will all work out and the less stress you have about it the better it will go. It sounds like you have a firm plan in place in case he gets R chatty and that's great! Stick to it and just go with the flow. I know it is hard because I am like you in so many ways and want the itenerary three days in advance of what is going to happen, when, and why, etc. It's enough to make a person crazy! So just try to relax and go with it.
Will you still be able to do that phone session with Jody?
Sadly I won't be able to do a phone session with Jody on Monday as I will be interviewing job candidates in Paris all day, then flying back to Dublin, getting home around 11 PM, at which time H will be there.
What I will try to do though is get a call with her before Thursday, my second overnight stay. Thursday I will see him late too, but I will be in the house before he gets home from class, so it will be a little less stressful I think, i.e. I will have had time to settle down and relax. Problem with Monday is I have a very long day at work, then a flight, then I come in the house and need to be easy, breezy, beautiful and serene right away. I also can't leave if an R talk starts because it will be 11 PM...I'm nervous about the sleeping sitch too. If I'd been home first I could just go to bed in the main bedroom, and be in bed when he got home. Anyway there are still a couple of days between now and then. Maybe we'll have another conversation or something that will make me feel a little more at ease. he's been contacting me a lot more than usual, just been pretty short with me, but to be fair, he's at work for business and training, so I shouldn't read into it.
ITH
Last edited by istherehope; 10/03/0804:27 PM.
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Not sure what is wrong with me but I was wrong about the Paris date, and I am actually NOT going Monday, was meant to be going 1 week from Monday, even though I booked my 600E last minute flight...
So now this means that while I was going to head back to Dublin on October 16th, now I am going through there for a night again on the 13th. I am not sure what I will do about this. It also makes no sense for me to go back to Poland again for a few nights only, but I have no idea how I could possibly bring this up with my H as it will look controlling and like I am trying to manipulate him. He would need to think of this on his own somehow, but in order for him to do that, the topic needs to be raised, which is the LAST thing that I want to do on our day together.
So the positive thing is that I still do get an afternoon with H on Monday, though to be honest I'm pretty nervous right now. I also went out last night, wish I hadn't as I am pretty hungover and this makes it harder to feel positive. I talked about the sitch more than I should have last night too.
Oh--thought this might be of general interest though. I'd mentioned before that I have a friend who's 32, sort of having/had an early MLC, left his GF of 9 years, had an affair etc etc. We talked about this last night. I really badgered him as I think it is so good to get one of "their" points of view. I asked him if he said mean things to his then GF and if so why. He said yes, had used the INILWYA speech on her birthday for added emphasis, and that he just didn't always realize at the time that these things were mean, as his thoughts changed daily. So 1 day he'd feel in love, the next empty, etc. He said he got to the point where he didn't want to talk about/think about anything as it made no sense. He just couldn't make a decision. I asked him why did he not just CHOOSE to try and make it work with his GF since he had committed (they were engaged and lived together) and couldn't he just see himself through it. He said yes that was probably a good way to look at it, and even now he likes the ides of being back with her, but is unwilling to make the first move, but also feels like if he's not making the first move it's because he doesn't really love her etc...Anyway a real-life glimpse into the head of a walk away man...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
So their's is a very convoluted story. He was having an affair with another girl at work. His F found out, and then said it was OK she was willing to move past it. Then he couldn't decide between the 2 of them, but temporarily picked the A. Then the opportunity came up for him to apply to come to Poland. He took this, and left the whole situation behind. He kept dating the A girl for awhile, then broke it off with her. He has dogs with his former F, and she had started dating someone else during this time. They kept in contact because he wanted to see the dogs. As time has passed (been nearly a year now), they have started talking even more, and chat online almost every day. He thinks she is probably the most amazing woman in the world, typical WA nonsense--"I don't deserve her...".
At this point he is still pretty confused and it as if he is waiting for a sign about what to do. He doesn't feel like he has the right to barge in on her life, and also would not want her to come begging. From what I understood though, if she were to bring up the topic in a very cool and casual way, like maybe coming to visit etc., he would be open. I get the picture he needs to see there actually IS a possibility there, a bridge if you will, but also not have it shoved in his face. It is typical unfair WA stuff again, but SO interesting to have a glimpse into his tortured mind...Hopefully I'll get to have another conversation with him at some point before leaving as it's pretty insightful.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
WOW ITH! Thats amazing, sounds like my iife. Except its easier for me, as I am not in a different country to my ex and also, I have Jody on speed dial. Sounds like the gf needs to do some phone coaching and see how she can approach him, if she wants him back. I was reading about Ryan and Scarlett Johnsonn.. he WAS on Alanis Morissette, but then M Scarlett. Is interesting though, popular astrologers reckon it wont last....
Your post has really really made me realise something about my ex, with clarity. That guy sounds just like him.. like my BFF said, when he decided to dramatically stop calling and go for the A instead, basically he did the easier option. Becuase it was waaaaay harder to undo 12-18 months and fix it with me. But is also sounds to be about confidence.. confidence in their own feelings and that decision to leave there because, well it cant be right then, if I did X, or dont want to do Y. I had this to some extent after my EA/mini PA...but being a woman it was esier, woman endure, men are more single minded. Sounds like the ex gf, and me, need to build their confidence back up.. we can have a life together, but it doesnt have to look and feel like the same as the old life you WA from.
I think its interesting that you and your H are going to get so see each other during this active Mercury retrograde period and I therefore think there will (or should!?) be some R talk at some point, or at least an opening of a line of communication if not an actual talk about the R, if you see what I mean. Be open to it! What has Jodys advice been?
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Nice to hear from you :). There sure has been some drama on your thread, and sorry if I contributed to that in any way!
Jody doesn't know that I am seeing H next week. In fact she had suggested that I not tell him at all that I was going to Spain in order to make him wonder. However, I had to as we are sharing finances, and if I suddenly spent 200E on a hotel, it would be very disrespectful. I also had a real gut instinct to tell him about it. It was something I KNEW I had to do... As soon as I told him, he offered for me to stay. So the 2 nights are not consecutive, which in a way might be a good thing. I get there Monday, and then go to Spain, and come back on Thursday. My hope is that Monday goes really well, and that if there is a talk at all it's on Thursday with the positives taken into account. I am open to a talk. I just would rather not have one if it's only spew and negativity.
I am planning something sort of radical, and I may get a 2X4 here for it, but I THINK I want to do it. Not sure if you saw this in a previous post, but H is someone who converted to Judaism and never saw me (rightly) as supportive. I am now trying a lot harder to be supportive, and already sent an email for Jewish New Year that went over very well. Now next week Thursday is Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. During the 10 days before this, you are supposed to apologize to people who you've wronged, and express true regret. I was thinking of sending him a very short email (about 150 words) on Wednesday, in relation to this custom, telling him that I take responsibility for and regret the problems in the relationship, mentioning 2 keys ones that I haven't yet apologized for, and asking for forgiveness. This is totally keeping in line with tradition (from what I understand), and I am not asking for a response or anything. It may or may not have any impact, but I actually am sorry, I don't want HIM to keep feeling guilty, and he DOES blame me a lot so on 3 fronts I think it could be a good gesture. The risk is that by sending it on Wednesday, it may hang over our heads on Thursday night.
Oh and about my friend and his ex, it's too bad I don't know her as I'd LOVE to share all of this insight with her...well for the moment at least we have a window into a very open WA man. He tells me anything I want to know, and is willing to answer any questions I ask...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
