Trying2live- the new post 1

[Trying2live]

TwinHope,
What I had said the similar thing that I had sorta did a plan A and I was told that I cannot do a sorta Plan A. It needs to be an actual Plan A.
Have you taken the test in the back of the book, but not for yourself. Your going to take it and answer it as if it was your H taking the test, to the best you can, that way you can determine his highest 5 emotional needs.
When I took it I thought it would be one thing but it was a little different than I thought and I did my best to be as honest as I could, even though that meant I would have some responsibility. I found that I fell into the disrespectful judgments category.
Man oh man, who knew, it didn't seem that way but when he explains what that really is it was an eye opener. You want to do a FULL Plan A meeting all 5 of his top needs, even if that's only for 2 or 3 weeks.
The point of that is several reasons. 1. You want H to see some adjustments in the way you interact. and 2. My most important reason is when I go dark and into Plan B I want him to have something to look back at with good memories and feelings of love.
his is so important since our communications the last 5 months have hardly been at all. All email and maybe only 2 times a month 3 the most and it's all been lash outs from him and mis-communications plus he has rewritten the marital history and only remembers bad for the last 18 1/2 years.
I want the next 4 weeks to be a taste of what things "could" be. So what I was told is Plan A must be a well thought out and complete Plan A.
If you feel you have met his emotional needs, he can see changes and your comfortable knowing you left him with a taste of what could be and memories of love and most important your at the end of your rope and you need to preserve and amount of love that you have for him then by all means move to Plan B.
But your Plan B must be well thought out in every avenue because when you do go dark, you do not want to come out period unless he meets the conditions of the Plan B letter. Your mediator chosen, visitation and financial stuff etc. everything must be put in the Plan B letter. Your Plan B letter must be well thought out too. I can get you some examples too if you need them. I chose a mediator that is friend to both of us.
Only you can decide when your ready to go into Plan B, you'll know when your love gets low and you need to save it.
My H is probably cake eating too since the only thing I've done is cut off most communications with him, but I don't really care right now because I'm focused on trying to create 30 days of hopefully something he'll want back when I go dark. So for 30 days he gets cake, but after that I am ready and fully capable to go dark, I did it 90% once and I will do it again. In the end either he'll miss it or I'll be ready to live with out his since I'm already using a mediator. Make sense? Let me know if there is anything I can help you with. And of course keep GAL'ing....