W and I talked again last night, hence the reason Im upset. She just wants to end this. Says she cant keep living like this because she knows how its killing me. I told her I will not give up.
Pray hard for me R2C, pray hard.
Joe
M: 37 WAW: 35 D's: 9 & 7 M: 13 Bomb: 01/28/08 Status: Limboland Total bomb drops: Lost count! Support: Here, God above, and now the Love Dare
Today I was able to set a boundary with W. I did it in a positive tone without getting defensive. I feel good that I was able to do this without taking her words personally. Old me let her control my actions.
We were moving the kids backpacks from her car to mine. She told me "You need to do BLA BLA BLA"
I responded respectfully back, "Please do not tell me what to do"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
You go READY!!! I tell you, establishing boundaries has been the best thing for me. It gave me some control over what I would allow and what I would not allow. I read a book called "The Secret Laws of Attraction." Here is what the author said about boundaries:
Boundaries are not about controlling others. People will do what they want. Boundaries are about protecting yourself from others. When you inform people, you are simply teaching them how to treat you.....If you dont have sufficient boundaries, you'll get burned and will eventually put up walls to protect yourself. THese walls are what keep people out. Boundaries enable us to really open up and be intimate because we feel safe. The bigger your boundaries, the safer and more relaxed you'll feel and the easier it will be to connect with other people.
Setting boundaries is a stretch but well worth the effort becaue of the rich reward: people will respect you. We respect people who have boundaries and we dont respect those who dont. Indeed, we are often tempted to abuse those without boundaries. Perhaps it is part of the survival of the fittest concept - animals casting out the weak and sick so the stronger members can thrive. Like animals, we too can sense boundaries immediately. This is good news. Often, the moment you instill a new boundary, such as "People cant critisize me" you'll either be tested right away or no one will critisize you. People instinctively sense your new boundaries and dont go there. Its a powerful new aura you are projecting.
Strong boundaries enable us to become less needy. We are naturally attracted to the people we like and respect - the people whohave a sence of dignity and self respect. When you have boundaries, it is easier to attract the right man or woman in your life. And, without them it is impossible to maintain a healthy realtionship.
Good job for stating to your W in a non threaten way what you will take and what you wont take. Setting up my boundaries with my STBXH has freed me so much.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
I only know this... it is our beliefs that make it so. We treat others according to what we believe about them. When we challenge these assumptions, our interaction with that person changes.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
R2C, Im feeling better today - so far. Tough moments at church yesterday, needed the help of 2 prayer ministers to make me feel better. They were both my pillars. Tried to read that drama triangle, ran out of time. Some helpful words in it. W came home last night. Let the status quo begin. Hope your weekend was good.
Talk soon about your last post to me later, have to get my girls ready for school.
Joe
M: 37 WAW: 35 D's: 9 & 7 M: 13 Bomb: 01/28/08 Status: Limboland Total bomb drops: Lost count! Support: Here, God above, and now the Love Dare
Today I was able to set a boundary with W. I did it in a positive tone without getting defensive. I feel good that I was able to do this without taking her words personally. Old me let her control my actions.
We were moving the kids backpacks from her car to mine. She told me "You need to do BLA BLA BLA"
I responded respectfully back, "Please do not tell me what to do"
Nicely done !!!
Dr. Philism "We teach people how to treat us".
HUGS
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
