Well..saw a little more of the "old wife" creeping back in again last night.
This may not make sense to those that follow my sitch, with the stories from the last 6 months, and all that we do together...the seemingly "normalness" of it all, but there were some things missing that just recently I see coming back.
Over the last several months since the bomb, my wife has almost completely avoided "normal routines" when it comes to shopping, laundry, housework, etc. Not that those things are not getting done. First, I have stepped up tremendously helping out around the house...actually to the point of doing more than my share...180's for me to start...also figured I owed her some, plus it has become a routine for me that I don't mind.
But, to some extent, she let me take it and run with it..to the point where even though she still did things around the house, there was no more "shopping days", "laundry days", "cleaning days", like she had before.
Now maybe it was just the simple fact that some of the stress of keeping up with all this had been lifted from her, I don't know. What I felt sometimes, was that she did not want to have that normalcy in her life...cook for some one else, do there laundry, clean for them. It was her way of making me remember where we were at, and that there was not going to be that normalcy in the future, because we would not be together.
So, as I have already mentioned this week...chicken wings and her specialty, mac and cheese...meatloaf...night before last was roasted potatoes, green beans, rice and broccoli(made enough for leftovers, she said).
That night she talked about making a pasta dish that she used to make when we were first married...one of the first things she learned to make well(and so often, I got sick of it but never told her).
How weird is this??? I was thinking about that very pasta dish over the last couple of weeks, and was going to ask her if she still had the recipe...it has literally been 15 years since she made it.
So she made a shopping list that night, went through the cabinets and fridge, asked me if there was anything I needed, and told me we would be having her old specialty for dinner last night.
When I got home yesterday she was not there, so I picked up, fed the dog, put the dishes away, etc. She pulled in a few minutes later with a trunk full of groceries and informed me it was too late to cook, but she would make the pasta dish on Friday for us. She got some ready to go chicken for dinner and told me she had snack and crackers for later if I wanted anything.
We put things away together, cleaned out the fridge and straightened out the cabinets, had some chicken, poured ourselves a glass of wine and went in to watch some TV.
I mentioned going to the basement to do some laundry before the debate came on and before I had a chance she was down and back, folding clothes.
We watched the debate, talked politics. D came home towards the end and we talked to her for a while. I was tired and told W I was going to bed...gave her a warm kiss on the lips, which she returned.
She slept on the couch last night, but the night before she had fallen asleep there and I woke her to ask her if she was coming to bed. She got up and followed me in and slept in our bed that night. Still don't understand the couch thing with all the closeness and ML, but it doesn't bother me like it used to, and she does come to bed more often than she used to.
This past week I have noticed when I go to kiss her good night, or good bye in the morning, her cheek does not turn away as much. This morning I kissed her on the lips and she seemed to turn her head towards me.
Since I have not been able to say ILY when I leave her, it has been "have a nice day", with her usually saying "you too". The last few days she has beat me to the "have a nice day" as I was leaving.
Also, not that we are not polite to each other, but she seems to be using more "thank yous" and "your welcomes" in her text and normal conversation.
OK..that's my journal for today. Thanks for listening...comments welcome, and I know...keep working..don't get comfortable or cocky and don't read too much into a week when I have years to think about.
