You have said for months now you are almost afraid he would want to try again. My attempt to understand that is
--He has hurt you, you have shut yourself off to having a future with him, it took a lot of energy and time; and to try to undo that would take so much more, you almost prefer not to have that option
--You are content with the "role you were given" in this. Your H left YOU, YOU have grown and become a better, stronger person, ready to move on with the life that has been handed to you since your H walked out the door a year (wasn't it a year?) ago...
--If your H decides he wants you back, and you are content to have your new life without him (if he would just stop being irritating and trying to keep the parts of life with him that HE likes keeping without keeping the WHOLE life with you):
--You would feel bad if he tried to get "back" with you and you said no, b/c then in your eyes it would mean YOU were leaving the relationship, YOU were deciding to "deprive" your children of a possible life with their mom and dad together, YOU would become the "bad guy" b/c now H wants a marriage and family life and you don't.
