Trying2live- the new post 1

[Trying2live]

Ok guys I'm in full and heavy Plan A. It's going amazing! Here's all the invitations he has accepted. Mind you I will only be in Plan A until Halloween because I have already been in this mess over 5 months and him out of the home for 5 months.
Hope I don't know but for as much as your H has shed tears I really think this Plan may work for you. You will learn a lot of how your marriage functioned as well. Just a thought.

So he has accepted to come to the house tomorrow to do 1/2 home maintenance and join us for dinner. I will dog gonnit find the strength to be sweet happy confident and under no circumstances talk about our relationship or any negative emotions. I will expect nothing from him and try to meet his top 5 emotional needs to the best I can(you find out what they are in the book by doing the questionnaire). I expect him to possibly pull away and even say mean things and I am choosing to have pre-set response like, "your funny, and smile".

He has said he will come back on sunday to finish the rest of the chores and will join us for lunch after church. Thursday will be disneyland and 3 days later is my sons actual birthday and he has accepted and invitation to lunch at the house for son with 3 of our closest church friends. He also accepted and invitation to be with us Halloween evening-for my son he says. Not gonna be moved by that comment either. My Plan A is in full swing. Plan A goal, meet top 5 emotional needs until halloween letting him taste the cake just a bit and feeling what it "could" be like if he came home to reconcile.

Then after Halloween comes going to Plan B. Going dark. Sending a love letter. In the letter apologizing for any part I played in fostering an atmosphere and not meeting any needs(had to do some soul searching and the book explains soooo much, notifying him that I must cut off all contact with him, not to get back at him but to preserve the love that I have for him so if he wants to come back I will still have love. That if I continue sharing my life with OW at some point I will have no love left and even if he wanted to come back I may not want it. Explain in the letter to him that He will go to a mediator of my choice(mutual friend) for all visitations, financial issues and all contact until he is ready to cut off complete contact with OW and sign a contract for reconciliation(in the book). Until then please respect my wishes.

That's it in a nutshell. I feel better and in the end no matter what way it went i feel I gave it my best.
And also GAL'ing still, moving forward and learning who I am with out him. I think that's really important. Knowing that I can be just me and the kids and have peace and security and to walk with God at the same time. Then if reconciliation comes it will be sweeter because I'll be stronger and more secure in God and in myself.

Anyways I hope you are all hanging in there. You all are much more incredibly stronger than you imagine and remember your daughters are watching you and you are setting an example and I know it's hard.
Be confident in your sorrow and lean on God to be your strength. No begging, promise me and yourself. We don't want our daughters or son's begging any significant other for their love. You are above begging, not in a prideful way. You deserve love freely.
Today is a stronger day for me and when I'm down I know I can come here and you guys will be there for me next.

G'night friends....