Yes we are supposed to go to trial on Monday, but W and I talked today and we both said "I don't think we need to go to trial."
W called me and was seriously concerned about my health b/c she had been getting all the statements for the work I had done. She asked multiple times and even said later "I just needed to know you were ok."
She then told me how hectic things had been for her at work and then the subject shifted to Christmas. She said she'd envisioned D spending Christmas Eve w/ her and then D coming to my house on Christmas Day. I said I thought we'd each have D for a week and alternate which week each year. W then said "Wouldn't you be alone and sad? What would you do, Rob? I can't think of you being alone and sad at Christmas." I told her it wasn't my ideal to not be w/ D on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, but we're no longer in an ideal situation, so we'll have to adjust for D's sake.
We talked about her going to Indiana to see her father w/ D this year as her father's non-hodkins lymphoma is getting more aggressive seemingly by the minute. I told her I'd be fine w/ it b/c of the situation, so she just needed to decide if she would rather be there for Christmas or for her father's birthday on Jan. 3.
I brought up getting more time w/ D in the summer - at least 3 if not 4 weeks w/ her - and W said she's open to that. This seemed to shift the conversation to being flexible starting w/ W and I agreeing that we shouldn't have to go to court on Monday. W said her L told her not to be flexible w/ me and everyone has told her not to talk w/ me but to let the L's figure it out. W claims her L told her I could take her back to court if she's too flexible over and over again "just to harass her." I responded by sarcastically telling W, "Yeah, that would be a really smart financial thing for me to do."
W then said "we need to decide if we are going to trust each other or continue to rip each other apart." I asked her to give me an example of why she felt I didn't trust her and she came back w/ "you changed the alarm code when you knew I wouldn't screw you over." I answered that and she responded w/ "...I could name more, but that is one." It didn't seem as if she had any more, but I did take the opportunity to reply to her.
I told her I wasn't sure if she did trust me. I told her that it has been clear that she doesn't think I have D's best interests at heart, but I'll continue to prove w/ my actions that I do. I also said that there should be no doubt that I've never doubted her committment to our D.
She then said "I just want you to be happy" and I said if you read the parenting evaluator's report then you'll know I wished for you and D to be healthy and happy. I followed that up by telling her that in that report as well as the deposition, I've never once doubted her as a mother. Not once. But, I said, I don't feel you feel the same way toward me. That is where our "trust" issue has trouble.
W then got quiet and said "I've got to go" and we ended the call. I wasn't sure, but it did sound as if she was on the verge of tears. Guilt? I don't know. I can only hope so. I didn't get to tell W that I don't trust her b/c she's made up crap about me that we both know isn't true, but that may come in another conversation. However, she may have picked up that vibe when I was firm in never badmouthing her.
Thus, her call for civility was basically for herself as I've been civil. Maybe my answers and comments hit home for her. Probably not, but there is always an outside chance, right?
So, that is my world today. I'll be filling you in w/ more as I get it.
