I guess it's over

[Trixi]

I am remembering more of what happened last night;

We ended up discussing what "commitment" means. Because he said the thing about 2 failed marriages, I said that perhaps it is because it's my first marriage that the word commitment really means something to me. That on those nights that I when I am exhausted and want to give up, that I think back to how I made a vow, a commitment thru sickness and in health. And that to a degree, I see what he is doing as not being well. (I even asked if he ever considered that he might be bi-polar, and he said that actually, he had.) Anyway, I said that it is the commitment that makes me 'stand in the gap' when I think I am too tired. That is when he said "Don't stand in the gap anymore. Because I don't want to be married. You need to do what you need to do to take care of yourself."

Yes, Esky, I agree that he is seeking something outside himself to fill a void. Even he knows that. Actually, when he was going on and on about how he doesn't want to be tied down, I said "yeah, you were SO tied down when we were together. Actually, you basically lived a married singles life." And he said "well, that wasn't good either. I was just trying to fill a void." SIGH. I could have pointed out that he could have turned towards me and not away, but there was no point.

Honestly, I wonder why I even bothered to point out my side of things. It doesn't matter. The "no" wins.

I am still shaking my head that he tried to be cute with me, wanted to go to bed, tried to be cute at the door when he left. He is a real piece of work.