Today I had a counseling session, and I admitted out loud that I am not as distant as I like and that I am hanging on too much. I said it just doesn't feel done, I think it is hope as well as the denial part of grief. Counselor helped me deal with the kids visitation thing, and so I have made a peace offering of sorts, by that I mean brought it up again myself and suggested we agree on what he last proposed, which was 6 nights with him 8 with me, alternating his longest stretch is 4 nights, I also want them to come here after school since currently I am home. He hasn't emailed me back yet.
He was funky this morning and it put me off, I think that is why it is so much on my mind today, the denial thing. He is taking the kids with him tomorrow for the weekend, I am not looking forward to a weekend alone, but I do have a lot of studying to do so must discipline myself to concentrate on that. I am going to work on accepting this change in my life and try to keep making the focus myself and my kids.
trying to keep my chin up, which if my face would stop breaking out would be easier
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08
