Like being on a roller coaster all the time...

[Essie]

Hi Truly!
Just wanted to say that what you have described seems really normal. Its good that he is curious about what you have been doing.

It took me a few months to accept that my H was not acting like the lovely man I married. Before I had any contact with H, I would tell myself "I accept that my lovely H no longer exists, I dont like it but I accept it". For some reason that really helped me.

Your travel plans sound exciting!

[TrulyScrumptious]

I guess it's also a good thing that all his stuff is still here so there's still some bond between us. He comes once a week to pick up his mail, first he did it secretly, now he announces when he comes over. First, he made sure that it was at times when I wasn't home. Last time he said he would come over on a Saturday and perhaps I'm there. It gathered up all my will and decided not to be there. Just to show him that I'll get on with my life. And when he comes over, I hope he sees the changes going on in the house. I bought some new stuff, did some gardening and keep the house perfectly clean, to remind him what he's giving up!
Essie, where can I find your story? I'd love to read it!

[Beth 83]

Hi Truly,

Wow. WOW. Reading some of the things that have happened to you sound so familiar.

I have a lot of advice and here it goes.

First. Try and think of the fact that this is happening before you got married and had children as a benefit to you. If there ever was a time, unfortunately, this is the best time for him to be doing this. God willing, if everything works out, this will be better for your relationship leading to marital committment.

2nd: Take a deep breath and let it go. Let it all go. Let him go and do "what he feels he needs to do." You don't want a man who doesn't want to be with you, right? I truly believe in the "I love you so I'm letting you go."

What are you doing for yourself now? And, something I learned, what are you doing for yourself for the improvement of yourself, rather with an alterior motive of helping your relationship?

Truly--I want you to know when I was reading your post
I could understand what was going on with your boyfriend. You both have been so focused on yourselves and your education. Then buying a house! That is what did it for my husband and I. It is like the symbol of "becoming an adult". And your boyfriend has spent most of his 20s getting his education, when has he had the time for independence? It is not right he cheated on you. NEVER and I still cry over the betrayal from my husband (did just two nights ago). I'm an optimist, though. I would like you to look at this and be grateful that you are getting this time to reassess what YOU really need in a man, a husband, a partner. What YOU really need for YOU.

Good Luck and we'll talk more soon.

[MrBond]

Hey Truly,
Glad to hear you're doing better. About his stuff at your place, I would box them up and text him that if he doesn't pick them up after a certain date, you're going to donate them to charity or leave them out on the street. You are getting stronger and that's the most important thing.

Before we got married, my W and I broke up. I did the same pleading behavior and it got me nowhere. It wasn't until I really didn't give a 'darn' what she was doing anymore that she actually started missing me. Hopefully the same will be in your situation. Show him the strong person you were before and that might be enough to 'snap' him out of his funk.

If he asks why you're doing that to his things, just tell him you need the room for any 'guests' that you want to bring home.