Quotes found on Divorcebusting (II)

[Ready2Change]

Here are some more:

Unless this is something that you've never done before (ie..send flowers) don't do this. It's pursuing, which the W does NOT want. She knows how you feel. Trust me. Trust that she knows. Anything like this is considered pressure from the LBS and what they are trying to do is process a TON of emotions and they can't when they get things like that from us.
-Neilh23


If you want to meet your W's emotional needs then meet the one that she wants you to meet......detach. Have the strength to be yourself and to let her be herself. This is what real giving is about....she has told you what she wants (space)....give it to her even if you don't want to. Have the courage to let her go....but be her friend if she needs one (Check out the Man-Up thread in MLC by SG....it is probably several pages back now). I doubt seriously if your newly sep W was upset that she only got a card for your Anniversary...I hope you didn't follow it up with flowers. This is a day she is trying to forget....don't pressure her.
-Neilh23

I'm by no means free and clear of all sins; I've caused her secondary infections for sure. However, by seeing her as "not well", I've developed deep compassion and pity for her.
-cotoffgard


"There are two primary choices in life:
to accept conditions as they exist,
or accept the responsibility for changing them."
Denis Waitley
-Mountainman

Great quote I read today:
"You are today where your thoughts have brought you;
you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you."
James Allen
-Mountainman

Here's what I learned:
1) some people can do this flawless and it won't matter
2) some people can't do this and it will matter
3) It takes time and some of these spouses are just gone for good
4) No one can determine which one yours will be
5) Engaging in arguments is BAD
6) Validate and detach (as applicable in each situation)
7) Get a DB coach if you can, if not read this BB and DR(your
not sleeping anyway)
8) If you drink stop...I wouldn't even have a glass of wine
because I knew what would happen (buzzed emotional meltdown
in front of him)
9) Handle yourself appropriately in front of your children, this one is most important...children learn by example..
10)Assuming what they are doing and what is really going on is
way different...I found all this out when he came home..you
are on their minds a lot more than you think. So with that don't you want their thoughts to be either A. See what a controlling Biatch she is or B. Hey, she's totally cool, self sufficient and no pressure. That's what the OP is doing for them so it's your chance to behave the same way.
-sandycay