I guess it's over

[NikB]

((Trixi))

There you are! I was wondering where you've been.

Bottom line- he doesn't want to be married.

I'm sorry you had to hear this again. I know how much it hurts. Having been there... I think you recover faster from the "re-bomb" but I also think it stings a lot more at first.

If you'll remember, after my last "re-bomb," I took a several day road trip with no plan in mind. It was WONDERFUL and I am so glad I did it. I really got stronger during that, just from doing something different and being totally free to do whatever I wanted. Is this something that would be good for you too? There are some beautiful drives up your way. And I know you really value your "alone time," so this is a suggestion that doesn't require a lot of social interaction. What do you think?

You can even stay at hostels if motels are too pricey. Oldtimer sent me a link before - I can look for it again if you're interested.

I asked him if we would be seeing eachother this weekend and he said that he was busy all weekend, but that maybe Sunday.

It's this stuff, as you know, that breaks my heart on your behalf. Begging for scraps. You may not see it, but that's what this is. You're worth so much more.

He will always love me. Wants me in his life. He is afraid to lose me and that is why he hangs on to me. He wants my friendship. <snip> Would you believe after all of that he wanted to go to bed with me????!!! Uh, NO!

OK... so we're clear on what he wants and what level of R he's willing to have with you - "friends with benefits" basically. It's not a surprise to me AT ALL that he wanted to go to bed with you. I'm glad you didn't do it. Good job!!

GIVEN where he is at, what do you want? Do you want him as a friend? Can you handle that? I know that I, personally, couldn't. I could be polite and cordial, but not a friend.

And he still maintains that he loves me! And we can get married again later if we want! WHAT ARE WE DOING?????

The question is - what are YOU doing / going to do?

I personally agree wholeheartedly with Amy's suggestion to go completely dark. Detach and get the he!! away from the madness for awhile, so you can think straight. I think you're almost there.. except:

Anyway, I guess I am wondering if I burned a bridge....

Huh?????

Burned a bridge with a man who wants to use you, treat you like crap, string you along, and have you there at his beck and call (including as an F-buddy) while he's living the single life?

You're right when you said "it doesn't matter" but think hard about WHY you are still concerned about this. To me, it says your sense of self-worth and self-esteem may still be awfully low. I think being dark and taking control of your life back will help tremendously with this.

Let's think of some positive things you can do over the next few days to pamper yourself, truly take care of you - and, make sure you are totally unavailable this weekend (in case you get tempted). Road trip? Spa day (I know maybe too pricey..)? Short getaway trip? (Southwest has some good deals right now!). What else... ?