Here's where I stand; Separated since April 08 Little contact with W except on kid issues. Full mediation to end our marriage Oct31. Wife not interested in making any effort towards us. Wife convinced we have nothing in common, nothing can change, typical waw excuses. However, she has become BFF with another divrced woman. She also bailed on her husband. I hear many of the same excuses from W that I heard when this lady gave up. My W had many problems with this lady for a long time. Didn't like her selfishness, materialism, etc. However "she has changed" and now they are best friends. My W states to me that "you can't change people, people cannot change", but admits this lady did ( I don't think she really did, I think my W changed and became her).
Anyway, I'm in the final 30 day stretch of married life. Its my w birthday next week.
Did you ever see what happened with gForce? It went all the way to just a day or so before the D would be official and his W had a change of heart and they are doing pretty good now.
The Tostada should not need saving - it is his wife that must have an awakening.
For you Tostada, I hope for a similar success. For me, that would be a serious serious moral dilemma.
I'm going to throw out something kind of crazy. At this point, as I think back, my memory of your situation is that your 180s have been with respect to things that were problems in your marriage. Perhaps you need to do a 180 from the current situation.
How about this, for her birthday, bless her by letting her watch the kid so that you can go out with a female friend. I'm not advocating this, I'm just saying that she's mentally moving on, but, she knows that you are still there and still hoping for a change. Maybe if she sees you truly moving on, it will shock her and bring her around.
I've a friend who has been divorced for 2 years and his xW had a new guy very quickly and she continued to be a regular Cruella DeVille. She turned a lot nicer when Brian got his house in order, his job situation in order and was dating an attractive woman 15 years his xW's junior.
I don't think its realistic for me to ask my W to watch the kids while I go on a date. I haven't talked to W for a few weeks and I need to make a decision what to do or not to do for her birthday which is in a few days.
I did buy a pretty boring card. I'm planning on mailing it.
I see the group is coming back to the board tonight...
need some help on my W bday....I am thinking of sending her a simple card 'happy bday..miss you...love me'... or...is there something better to say.???
Logically, it makes sense to want to giver her a heartfelt card, but in reality, it did not do me any good - I wrote quite a few long letters and cards. It may be that they eventually go back and read the love letters and cards when they discover that the grass is not necessarily greener, but while they are still in denial and you are the enemy, the card is not going to cause them to have a change of mind.
I really believe that now my W would like a "do over" as I suspect she knows she made the wrong choices and has huge regret. I can only hope that if and when yours comes to a reality wakeup that you will still be there for her and that she has not pushed you past your line in the sand like my W has with me.
BTW... It does not look like this is the Seahawks year.
I dont know - maybe a simple message in the card that you are wishing her the best and thinking of her. Nothing too mushy.
I hope we can get some more input for you as I am a bit jaded because of my situation. I do know that once the WAS has doubts and realizes that they can lose the connection to you they start to want back.
Tostada, I don't have anything to add really beyond what KK has said. I doubt that there is anything that you can say in the card that will work a positive benefit, but, I think that there are a lot of things you could say that will work against you.
Just my opinion here, but, you getting on with your life without her is in my mind the only thing that has potential to bring her around and no card is going to show her that. I'd get a card from the kids and leave it at that if it were me.
Also, I don't know why it wouldn't be realistic for her to watch the kids while you go out. You don't have to specifically ask if she will watch the kids while you go on a date, just, can you watch the kids on Saturday night, I have plans with a friend. If she won't then get a sitter and go out anyway.
That's my opinion. I understand that you might not be in that place. I also understand that I was in a very different place only a month ago. So, I offer this up as just another option for you to consider.
