I'm sorry you are hurting so much. I remember when my H first started not giving me a hug when he left. It felt like I had the plague or something. I never realised how much for granted we take physical touch until then.
Now my H doesn't even come down the drive of our house when he picks D13 up. He justs gets his mobile phone out and calls to say he has arrived. You'd think we were pure enemies. I know though that it is his guilt eating away at him.
Please be kind to yourself. If it hurts, let it. IMO that is the only way to get past these feelings. If you don't allow yourself to feel them they will always be there. It took me a very long time to realise that but now that I have I feel calmer and more at peace with my sitch.
Take care
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
