Hey lwb, Bethie wanted me to let you know that yes, she's been banned from the bb. Because she refuses to beg her way back onto the bb, Sally can get Bethie's email addy from Swashy aka Squishy. She wants you to tell Gypsy and No Code also. And if you need her she's only an email away.
Gypsy, thanks. I need a spouse-free day. I am continuing to have relapses where I allow W to steal my joy.
Karen, I think it's okay to allow ourselves to feel these emotions to some degree, as long as we don't let them get out of hand. It sure beats internalizing them, which causes even more harm in the long run. We just need to remember to pray and turn as much of this over to God as we can.
Thanks, Yoyo, too. Hugs are always welcome.
Saffie, thanks too for your words. I know I need to dwell less on the past or on what might-have-been. I do need to have something to look forward to in the future, but I really need to learn to appreciate the here and now.
MC, are we ready to join that monastery yet.
Hi, Lwb. W may not have tried to exclude me on purpose (I don't have any hard proof of that), but it still shows, at the very least, a callous lack of regard for my interests in our sons lives.
I guess I am going to see if I can live without the AD's for a while. I have been concerned with the side-effects of these medications, and have wondered if they didn't contribute to my somewhat diminished libido (nah, it was mostly the depression itself, I'm sure.) I have wanted to come off them at some point no matter what, so now might be as good a time as any.
I am continuing to have relapses where I allow W to steal my joy.
I have those too you know. But way less than I used to, so maybe it's just part of a process we're going through? Just checking into see how you're doing? If you wind up getting depressed I hope you do reconsider about the AD's. Or at least try a lower dosage or something? ((((NC)))) Karen
I really hope they didn't cut you off your meds cold-turkey. That can not only mess with you emotionally, but physically. Screws your blood pressure, can make you have panic attacks that feel like heart attacks, etc.
We are dealing with situational issues that need to be treated while the sitch continues. Keep at least that on an even keel (control what you can) while everything else is taking time to settle...
I guess I am going to see if I can live without the AD's for a while. I have been concerned with the side-effects of these medications, and have wondered if they didn't contribute to my somewhat diminished libido
NC-NO NO NO NO NO to the Monastary. Unless its co-ed.
As far as the AD's go, don't quit cold turkey. I did and I was miserable sick. I got light headed and dizzy (more than usual) and felt like hurling for about 4 days. The problem was it takes about a day for these symptoms to happen and by then its too late and you have to tough it out.
As far as the libido thing goes, it is the AD's.....trust me
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
It's been two weeks now since I've had an AD. And yes I can feel it. I've felt the extremes again. I have felt the same old anger and frustrations, the same sadness and anxiety. All the negative emotions from years ago. But so far, other than an incident this week driving home I had this passing thought to punch my fist through the safety glass (somebody cut me off and nearly made me reck), I think I'm okay. I'm paying close attention to my moods and monitoring my reactions to various things.
This is a really tough week stress-wise even without being off the meds. My kids are away out of state and very distracted, work is a bear, and I've got bills out the yin-yang. I am still going through the trainload of the last boxes pulled from my house, and I am dealing with the loss of the home that I shed blood and tears for to provide my wife and children.
And yet I have noticed that I am not having the same reactions that I would have had in years past. I'm not in the constant state of a seething rage, a pressure cooker building up steam. I don't catch myself muttering angry obscenities to myself or thinking ill will against offensive people, not like before. And I allow myself to find the time to think and to meditate, to pray and commune with God. And to take care of myself once in a while.
And yes, I still feel angry and frustrated, but I think it is no more than anyone would given the circumstances. But I am watching myself closely and asking the Lord to help guide me to an even keel. I am ready to call my physician at any point I feel it has become unbearable.
I think I'm going to make it.
Still, there was a point last night I got pretty depressed, for just a little while. I was talking to my mother again -- she called me while I was in the grocery store -- and told me that W had left her a message that she and my brother were invited to come down to W's sister's home for dinner that night. My mother had to decline since she had a prior engagement at her church, but my mom thanked W when she called her back. My mother started to tell me, as if she was having to break something to me gently, that my W sounded so genuine and sincere, and that again W seemed to be content and at peace with this separation and D.
I know that the offer of hospitality was more likely coming from my SIL (she is a rare, sweet gem of a lady), and I am sure that W is trying to spin things for my family, although I don't know why (W's blown my family off completely in the last year, showed no interest in them, and didn't listen to me when I did offer news about them.)
But then I wonder if it is just me being angry and paranoid. Maybe I am overreacting.
No, in the end I told my mother that I was happy that W made the offer, even though it was counter to her entire attitude towards me and my family since the bomb. And yet that pall hung over me for a long time after I ended the call with my mom. I worried that she was beginning to naively think that maybe my characterization of W's atrocities is unfounded, that maybe I am the one who's delusional. And I also worried that maybe I was having particular difficulties in coming off the AD's.
But I have learned you can't control other people's thoughts. You can merely present you own best case and not worry yourself if they still get the wrong message from other sources. I refuse to let the Devil and his tormentors lure me into self-deception and tear me down. I realize that Satan is always trying to drag each of us down, and that such negative thoughts only feed into his gameplans.
So I am going to enjoy myself tonight. Take it easy. And get to bed early. I've got to go on a business (day) trip to our Wilmington office tomorrow, and I want to get back in time to pick up my S's -- I haven't seen them in a week now. This weekend is the Harvest Fest at our church, and the boys will love that.
NC-NO NO NO NO NO to the Monastary. Unless its co-ed
Well, I'm not enjoying the forced celibacy all that much. I already feel like I've been living like a solitary monk. So I figured we might as well get a nice robe, a rosary and a tranquil lifestyle out of the deal.
((((nc)))) Im feeling your sadness, i wish there was something i could do for you.
your a wonderful person, you need to get out more and do things to make YOU happy, really to perk yourself up a bit. i know how having the boys away and in another state must be hard (I can't imagine!) but try and make the most of your time alone, You should get out a meet new people, im not saying just women, i mean people in general.
Thinking of you (((((nc)))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
TAL pointed something out. What do you do when you don't have the boys? I know (boy do I know...) money is tight all around, but what do you do when your wife has the boys? List me a few things that you would like to do and promise to do one in the next couple of weeks.
I am so glad your W reached out to your mom again (even if it was with sil's guiding hand). My H has closed himself off to my family, never asks about them, like that your W. I guess that have to do this, huh?
Reconsider the AD's.
PS: I am so sorry you are so tight on money. Its an awful feeling and tends to cloud all my thoughts. Wish I could write you a big check to lift some burden!
