Yeah Mike I hear you. It's funny how many things were said and not done. I'm going about my stuff same as I've been doing the past few months. Taking care of stuff and improving all areas of my life - interactions, taking care of the kids , job search, taking a big load of the household stuff, keeping an eye out for my W's needs etc...
I know you are. I know where you and Tim are for sure and I'm damn proud of you both. I wanted everyone else to see that post of mine..all the noobs coming here and posting to you. They need to see that. You can have hope but it must be tempered. You can't get excited about what's said and not done..you and Tim pass that on when you post to other newbies..
I know where you and Tim are for sure and I'm damn proud of you both.
Thanks Mike, means alot coming from you. The place Steady and I are is very tough. The W are still on the ropes not quite commited to saving the M and working on us but also don't want to walk away from it anymore either. Its a waiting game and very easy to get frustrated.
I know getting D if not what you wanted but atleast you know it is over and what direction you are traveling in. I know I am waiting for that decision and I see the indecision in my W actions. Her close but not too close but still close enough to keep hope alive. Steady understands this and so should the noobs that there will be months that nothing will seem to happen because your S is thinking and contemplating and most important watching you to see if the new you is for real or a ploy to win them back.
I think anybody, me included, who can weather this storm and stave off the frustration and lonliness that goes along with it has a great shot at saving their M. I think this point in my R and Steady's is the most critical because it could swing either way and we need to keep doing what got us here and not push it too fast that we end up back sliding.
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
I wanted everyone else to see that post of mine..all the noobs coming here and posting to you. They need to see that. You can have hope but it must be tempered. You can't get excited about what's said and not done..you and Tim pass that on when you post to other newbies..
It is very easy to get excited over certain things that are said but just as we had to prove our changes to our W though our actions so must they through theirs. All must remember to ignore what they say and concentrate on what they do consistantly.
I have walked the fire and been there. I know where you both are. It's very difficult. You see the little things that give you hope but know that you can't let your hopes get too high.
Me-D will be the best for both STBX and I. I do believe my only purpose in this M was to bring my D into the world. It served two-three purposes...first,it gave my STBX a child she so desperatly wanted. 2nd, it gave me a chance to be a better dad than I was the first time around..3rd-it brought me here and without here I would have never changed.
You guys are doing good. I'm very proud of you both. You should pat yourselves on the back..you both are a lot stonger now than when you first got here..
I have walked the fire and been there. I know where you both are. It's very difficult. You see the little things that give you hope but know that you can't let your hopes get too high.
Me-D will be the best for both STBX and I. I do believe my only purpose in this M was to bring my D into the world. It served two-three purposes...first,it gave my STBX a child she so desperatly wanted. 2nd, it gave me a chance to be a better dad than I was the first time around..3rd-it brought me here and without here I would have never changed.
You guys are doing good. I'm very proud of you both. You should pat yourselves on the back..you both are a lot stonger now than when you first got here..
Thanks Mike - coming from you it's a big compliment. I see how you give so much of yourself to help so many people that wind up here. And as I move forward I will give back what was so freely given to me here. Many times I relied on your hope when I had none and your words of encouragement and guidance helped me through those tough times - and continue to. Without this place, and you specifically, I don't know where I would be right now. I would guess I would be out of the house and continuing to do things to wreck any chance I have of reconciling with my W. I know I'm alot stronger now than when I first got here - I was a complete mess. Now I stand with my head held high.
I know I've thanked you before but my gratitude continues on.
Tim - You've inspired me also. Our sitch's are so alike and watching you move through yours has helped me in mine.
Update;
Had the day off yesterday and spent it with my S. He was off from school for the holiday. We put together a bookshelf in the morning (he loves working with tools) and then went to the barber for haircuts for both of us. This was the first time he sat in the chair by himself. Usually I have to sit him on my lap for his haircut. Then I let him pick where we were going for lunch. Of course he picked his favorite place - McDonalds.
Then we ran a few errands and went home. I popped a meatloaf into the oven so it would be ready when my W got home with my D. She thanked me for taking care of it. I also through in some wash during the day.
Before dinner I took the two kids into our jacuzzi bathtup and stayed in there about 30 minutes playing. My W came up with drinks for the three of us. My D was so cute - she kept dumping water on my head like she was washing my head. She kept saying, "Put your head back" just like I tell them when washing their hair. Later on my W thanked me for giving them both a bath while she relaxed a bit.
We ate dinner then the four of us watched TV for a while. Then we put the kids to bed. It was 8pm and my wife was exhausted so she went upstairs and layed in the bed reading and watching TV. I took care of cleaning up after dinner so she didn't have to do it. Then I went upstairs to bed.
So yesterday was bussiness as usual with me stepping up and taking care of alot of the stuff my W used to take care of - and it's going to continue like that with me doing my part.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Sounds like a fun night with the kids. Yours are at a great age. I remember those days well. Suck it all in because before you know it they are teenagers and about to get their divers license. Lord help me!
I worked yesterday and got home around 7. My W was doing homework with my son. I was fixing myself something to eat and my W picked up the beer she was drinking and said, "This is my first one and I was doing really good till both kids had a meltdown a little while ago." I just smiled. Maybe she's been thinking about her drinking.
We put the kids to bed and it was around 8:00 and my W told me she was exhausted and was going up to the bed to read the paper and watch TV. I told her I'd hang out with her unless she wanted some time to be alone. She said she was fine and didn't need any time to herself. So I layed in the bed watching TV.
My W has been feeling a little sick the last few days so I asked her if she needed anything. She didn't. After a little while she started to doze off so I turned off the TV and went downstairs and watched Tombstone till around 11:30 then I went to bed.
Just another 'normal' night.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
I was fixing myself something to eat and my W picked up the beer she was drinking and said, "This is my first one and I was doing really good till both kids had a meltdown a little while ago." I just smiled. Maybe she's been thinking about her drinking.
this is a little telling I think. I'm curious, has her drinking lessened since FIL/MIL moved out?? She pretty much told you that stress triggers her drinking..she needs a drink when the kids melt down. That's intersting. May just give you a little insight into why she is/was drinking like she was..It tells me that maybe if things are really calm and her stress level is way down the drinking may lessen?? Just guessing here..
