My H didn't ever move out so I am afraid I am really no good to you on that one. He had been carrying on the A for 18 months when he told me about it so the first flushes of the excitement had gone.
Actually, the OW started to really pressurise him once she knew I knew....I think she had been gradually building up the pressure prior to his coming clean............and that really didn't help her cause.
The attitude of the kids to my H and his transgressions also helped me. My second D, who was 14 at the time, phoned the OW up without H or I knowing, and really tore her off a strip. I know that another poster on here, Sara, also had a similar experience with one of her children. I think it helps let the OW know that their idea of happy families in the future might not be what they hope for!!! In my instance the OW really made herself look unappealing eventually. I think that is what often happens....which is why making yourself look the better option works sometimes. OW gets clingy, pushy, demanding etc. and stops being such hassle free fun. You meantime have been sweetness and light and look to be more easy to live with. I never got to the point where I had to live like that though and I don't think I would have been good at it. I wasn't going to share my H once I knew what was going on. ( I guess I can say that though because it never got to that point for me....if things had continued who knows how many hoops I would have jumped through to save my M?).
I have to admit, whilst dealing with the immediate problem of stopping the A , I didn't do the act as if stuff......it wasn't in me. I also didn't know about DB at the time.
I played it more along the tough love line. I wouldn't contemplate H having anything to do with me if he was seeing OW. I was lucky that I had professional suppport IRL who backed me up and were willing to talk to my H.
I came to DB about a year after OW was off the scene. Although H was completely reconciled with me and working hard on the M, I couldn't move on and forget about the OW. In effect she was still ruining my M because I couldn't stop thinking about her. It was the DB principles that helped me get through that...those and the people I met on here who kept me sane. I also continued with therapy.
BTW - I should thank you for saying I am a sucess.....I guess time will tell if that's true or not. I would question what qualifies someone to be a success. there are many people I have met here on these boards who have not necessarily 'saved ' their M...but who I would class as being successful...they are the one's who have grown and developed and gone on to lead fulfilling lives...regardless of what has happened to the M that brought them to this place.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
