God give me the patience and the strength...7

[theotherhalf]

Don't know if I've told you all the "good news" in my life. D17 got chosen to be a Homecoming candidate!! I am so excited for her. One of her goals for herself when she was younger was to be someone that everyone liked in HS. I patted her on the back and congratulated her on attaining a personal goal. I don't care if she gets queen or not, doesn't matter. Just being concidered is HUGE to me. And I am so proud of her. School is going good for her to. Seems things are turning around and I am so happy for her.

N14 is doing good as well. Having a good VB season. Having fun too! Keeps her busy as well. We've had a couple of incedents between us but the last one she ended up giving me a hug and told me she loved me. First time ever! So feel like we are gaining ground. FINALLY!!!

H's crap...talked to him the next night and asked WTH that was about. He said honestly that he thinks he so used to sleeping on the couch and being alone that he did it unintentional. He said he woke the next morning and remembered what he did and thought "woa". I asked why didn't he call and apologize or something. He just shrugged and said "sorry". I let him know how it hurt me, but then let it go. Next night I pulled the ol' TOH [censored] again and dumped on him over the phone. I talked, I cried, went on and on. He just sat there and said nothing. The only words that came out of his mouth were...
"things were goin fine and now..."
"yea"
"I'm not so shut up about it" (seeing OW)
"I don't know, I doubt it, but don't know" (think we'll get back together)
"I going to keep doing what I'm doing, I am going to keep living here, going to work, doing my farming, If you want to change it, change it, I don't give a [censored]"

Last night I got him to sit with me a bit and talk over finances. (He did not want to at all) Things are really spiraling downwards there. I wanted him to see for himself. He just has the attitude that "sorry, but it is what it is, and we'll deal with it". I asked if he had any ideas or suggestions, told him I am trying my best to make this work. He ended up staying a couple of hours and I listened to him talk about work and stuff. Conv went okay.

HELP ME!!! I have got to leave him alone!!!!! How do I do this? How do I accept? How do I overcome my fear? I have no other choice anymore. How do I just let him go????? I was doing good. Then he's here, he flirts, he acts like his old self, then I fall head over heals again. I need to stop this and I can't...