I couldnt get myself to start a thread. I've noticed Lisa is keeping quiet too (I hope you are well My Lady). Quiet is good when you ar enot sure what to say or how to say it...
I was terribly shocked by Jen's loss (Jen I am so sorry...). It triggered a lot of thoughts and emotions that I have been avoiding for a while. I cant really share these here because I am afraid my English would really sound "hairy" (as someone told me) and I would get my friends confused.
I am OK in general. I am still smiling in case you are wondering. But closing that door is much more complicated than it sounds. I know many of you know that already. Especially when kids are involved.
My stbxH wants to talk to me. I am avoiding it. I am afraid what he will say. During our last get together on Sat, I was mean and hurt him. I dont know if I shared this clearly here but I was very mean. I forbid him to use his cell in my house for work, demanded he rents a house where our kids have a room, refused to let him use my PC saying "you cant have access to anything of mine anymore", made comments like "only because you are unfortunately the father of my kids" etc etc... All the above smiling and looking strong.
I guess I feel I dont have to be "nice" to him anymore and when he got me mad with his stupid behaviour in front of the kids I just reacted any way I wanted. When he left, he looked like a beaten up child. I spent the next 2 hours in guilt and feeling like a b!tch. BUT, I know I have to be very clear and set boundaries and make him realise we need to get unstuck from where we are... This non-D situation is not allowing me to move on 100%. And I feel I need to. I guess I must find the money to proceed. And be patient. And listen to what he has to say at some point. Ok, enough...
The weather is cloudy/rainy but warm. I love this weather. I like sleeping in and drinking coffees and then going to sleep again... K
