New Here-From Newcomers- hoping for more input...

[istherehope]

Hi Opt (maybe this sounds better than calling you "OW" :)),

Sorry as I didn't read through all of your past threads, but I think I have a reasonable indication of what's going on.

So you talk to Jody too--seems half of us on the board talk to Jody!

Like you, our progress seems to come from confrontations. We have had I think 3 confrontations since I have been here (approximately 2 months). 2 have been in the last 2 weeks. It was after one of these that H admitted to missing me and wrote that email. It was after the 2nd (yesterday) that he asked me to stay 2 nights in the house next week, and texted me to say good night for the first time in months.

Without knowing the intricacies of your situation, I'd say that taking a risk can be a good thing. When I look at most of the success stories on the board, it seems as though major progress has come from unexpected events. I believe the DBing gets you to the point where you have more credibility with the WAS, and are more able to deal calmly with the spew and venom, but that in most cases something needs to shake them up. I think it's ideal if the WAS can initiate the conversation, but sometimes I feel like we need to lead them there. In my case, H has initiated, but I have reacted to the point where we have had disagreements. Those have shaken things up. What is your plan? What kind of a risk are you planning to take or how would you like to test the waters?

How long have you been doing what you've been doing? If it's more than 6 weeks, I think it is definitely time to try something new. Do you keep track of what works and what doesn't work? You've also mentioned it's been 2 weeks since you got an ILY, but that you have been getting them on and off. I think that's a REALLY good sign. Are there any actions that you take that seem to lead to the ILYs?

ITH