I believe in Miracles

[istherehope]

Hi OW (sorry to use this abbreviation--I know it has bad connotations here ;),

Thanks for your post! I love hearing from new people and will check out your sitch later today.

So the thing about my H is that he is SUPER OBSESSIVE about everything he takes on. At the moment this is self-help and self-discovery. It is pretty annoying actually since it means he cannot see anything else, but what it DOES mean is that he is acutely aware of each motivation and feeling that he has. He is also quite good at sharing these feelings, though not at expressing them in a way that takes into account my feelings :). So, if you ever want a window into the soul of a confused WAH having an existential crisis, check out my sitch. Not sure about your own sitch, but there is no other woman in mine, and I really don't expect this to change. I think he thinks this could be a dealbreaker for me (even though it might not be), and he doesn't want to throw this away, or at least he doesn't KNOW if he wants to throw this away :).

We haven't had any real future talk recently in our sitch, beyond finances. Of course we haven't been around each other in ages, given the fact that I'm in Poland and he's in Dublin. I hope things will change when I get back.

Are you keeping a solutions journal? This has helped me to (somewhat) keep my sanity. I've recently learned that by taking only the positives out of each interaction, I can see loads of baby-steps. For example, I have 3 large goals for the month of October. They are broken down into mini-goals that will help me see whether I am on the right path. One big goal is that H will feel comfortable around me. Mini goals include the amount of contact, i.e. at least 5 days per week or 2X + per day for 3-4 days, some contact by phone/SMS, and using terms of endearment. I have had all of these met, even though I have also heard H say some very scary things. I am ignoring those. I think it's OK to believe the positives, at the very least they help with my PMA!

So I have not told too many people about my sitch beyond coworkers. That's the beauty of being in a foreign country. I can hide it. I think for things to work out long-term, it will be better the fewer people who know. Yes though, coworkers give me advice I don't need/want, but I made one cry when I explained why I stood for my marriage, so now I have my speech at hand if I need it again. I know I am doing the right thing, and this is all that matters.

ITH