I have noticed that by creating these boundaries it is helping me to become completely detached. His moods are not effecting me anymore, just his actions concerning S or disrespecting my boundaries. I dont get why he keeps coming around or why he even gets mad that I dont want him here anymore. But how can you "get" the mind of someone who is as messed up as he is? I have stopped trying and no longer am focusing on that. I am feeling more at peace and have come to the place where I truly do believe D is the best thing for me. I never thought I would feel that way but his actions have finally pushed me to that point.
I could have written all of that! I think I'm in about the same place you are bh! Detaching helps, although I still have those moments where I get more upset than I probably should! I guess it'll get easier as time goes on.
My H tends to hang out at the house quite a bit, but I think in my case it might be partially b/c he is living with OW. But once or twice he's been mad at me and "punished" me by taking the kids instead of hanging around the house with them. I mean do they hang around the house for their own sake or ours? If their sake, why I wonder? I'm guessing after the D he will do that less or maybe I should make him? All this stuff can be so confusing.
I'm sorry that your H was like that on your S' birthday. I think kids do get through stuff like that pretty well, but I think at some point it will affect their relationship in the future, and maybe your H will regret most of this when he realizes that. Karen
