Okay, I'm not really sure where to start...I should have posted last night when it was more fresh in my mind.....
H was supposed to pick D up from my Dad's house when he got off work yesterday, but something happened and he got off 3 hours late. I picked D and told H he could come get her from my house when he got off. Well...in the car on the way home D has a breakdown and starts talking about how she lost it in PE today because she had gotten in trouble for forgetting her gym clothes and when the teacher asked her why she started to explain that her dad had moved out and she kept forgetting things at one house or another, but couldn't get the words out before she started crying and pouring out her heart to the teacher. She and I talk for a bit about how she is feeling and I try to comfort her the best I can...it's very strange her anger towards her dad is increasing...not getting better.
Anyway, when her dad gets to the house to pick her up she asks if she can stay with me. He says she can do what she wants...instead of leaving he sits down for a bit and we start to chat. I can't remember how it got brought up but he mentions something about life being too short to be unhappy. I ask him if he was really THAT unhappy. He says "I don't know what I was....you know you make decisions in life not really knowing if they are the right ones...but thinking they are at the time. I would give anything to have a crystal ball". I'm not really sure how to respond to this so I just say..."I know what you mean". Anyway, we keep talking and D starts text messaging me from her cell phone to mine and is motioning behind her dad (so he can't see) for me to read the text message. I do and it says "tell him what happened to me in PE today". So she leaves the room and I tell him she wants him to know what happened with her at school. Convo went something like this:
Me: D had a problem at school today...she broke down in PE because of our situation and ended up missing part of her Science class because she couldn't calm down. Him: I know she's upset but I can't give her what she wants Me: What do you think she wants? Him: She wants us to get back together and that isn't going to happen Me: It's not huh? Him: No Me: You know that for sure? Him: That's the way I feel right now Me: So you want me to give up on you? Him: If that's what you want to do Me: That's not what I want to do but it seems like you want me to Him: Did you ever think maybe I'm punishing you for the hurt you caused me...maybe I want you to know how it feels Me: I have been hurting...this all hurts very much Him: You haven't been hurting long enough Me: Don't you ever miss us Him: No...I don't think about it. I know you seem like you have changed, but I can't take the chance that it would be the same...too much has happened between us...I don't love you like I should. When you love someone you should feel like you would do anything for them. Me: I feel that way about you Him: I don't feel that way about you Me: It doesn't matter to you that it would make your daughter happy if her family could be back together? Him: I can't do it for her...it's too late Me: I will never be able to understand why counseling wasn't an option for you Him: I am tired of working on us! I just want to get a long for a really long time and stop talking about all this sh#$! Me: How can we get along if we never spend time together? Him: I don't want to spend time with you right now Me: That hurts...I know you don't feel like you could love me like that again, but that is because you keep telling yourself that...maybe you should try telling yourself something good about me Him: I have been noticing good things about you Me: And counseling isn't an option? Him: No...the only way I would go to counseling is to figure out how to co-parent better Me: I just feel like if we could go to a counselor...if nothing else I could get some closure. Maybe you are right...maybe it is too late, but maybe it's not...I would just like the opportunity to go to someone and lay it all on the table and see what happens
***This is where it gets weird***
Him: Ok Me: Huh??? Him: OK Me: Ok, you will go to counseling? Him: Yeah Me: Do you want to pick out the counselor Him: No Me: You want me to? Him: Yeah Me: And you aren't going to change your mind when you leave here Him: No
So he then says he's tired and has to go...calls D down for a kiss and he leaves.
Fast forward to today. He pages me at work. I call him convo goes like this:
Him: Do you have a JCPenney coupon for some kind of discount offer. Me: Probably..why Him: I need new clothes for my job Me: Do you want help picking them out Him: You aren't off for another two hours and I don't want to drive back and forth from here to home and back again (he lives in a different town) Me: Well...I can meet you at the JCPenney in your town Him: I like the one here better Me: Can you hang around for an hour...I can be off at 4:00 Him: You are actually going to meet me at 4:00 Me: Yeah Him: Ok
So, we hang up and I'm freakin out thinking this is the man that wants to spend no time with me. I then get another page from him and assume it's to tell me nevermind. I call him back though and he is just reminding me to look for a coupon.
Sooooo...I meet him at the mall and let him know the only coupon I had was for use with a credit card. I tell him he can use mine and pay it off when he has the money next pay day. We shop for clothes...I had fun..he seemed normal. When we are done we walk outside the store...I kiss D goodbye and tell her to have fun with Dad and start to walk away. He moves toward me with an arm out and gives me a hug and says thank you. The hug did feel kind of forced, but it was nice to have a normal interaction with him.
So, I'm working on finding a counselor before he changes his mind...I'm kind of nervous because I know I am only going to get one shot at this and I don't want to blow it. Anyone have an ensight as to what is going on here or have any advice for me?
