Help me, please!!! My world is shaken. My H returned friday, early. I was in the guest room watching TV when he came home and a first, he came to me and was so happy to see me, so weird, but nice. He brought me handmade chocolates, he never brings me anything. He was talking about a couple things he had done while he was gone. He brought some tour books and wants me and the kids to come on one of the trips this summer and sightsee and spend time with him. I was doing my DB seducing him thing. You see, my theory was that, if we were going to change, first I had to get his attention, and F-----g his brains out would do that!! I asked him if he really missed me while he was gone. He said, yeah, I couldn't get the night before I left out of mind, I even bought candy!! So, we went to bed friday night. I was F-----g his brains out and he told me to stop because he was so overwhelmed. So I paused, and then continued. He then said several times, what book are you reading? Like I was reading a How to sex book. I laughed to myself because it was the DB book and the man changing book. But ya'll, the next day I found e-mail he had sent to the OW professing his love and what a memorable time they had, barf - puke!!! He also mentioned her husband who is having a rough time of it and asked if she had the joint therapy session set up. Well, that just put me through the ceiling. I wanted to kill him but I booted myself in the butt because I couldn't vent to you. Saturday night we got into the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder subject. If you don't know VietNam vets this may be difficult for you to understand. Like I've said before, he spent 60 months in combat. Anyway, we talked about the PTSD book that he's ordered which tells how to get help from VA. He was crying and quite vulnerable. This led to discussion about him, and was he hard to live with, and what I 've put up with. I was vague because I didn't think this was a good time to talk about his affai and because this conversation was pretty much all about him. At one point he wanted to know how he had made my life difficult. I told him he didn't want to go there. Then he was talking about how his mind is always going. He said he had some thoughts the past two years that he shouldn't be having at all. When I aked about those thoughts, his response was that he didn't want to go there. So, I f----d his brains out. Well, sunday I found his e-mail passwords.... He is a diabolical, psycopath. HE HAS NO CONSCIENCE OR SOUL!!! He is having online sex with several women and he is screwing other women in addition to the OW. One pathetic woman who is in the middle of a divorce and who had dinner and sex with my H last week, asked my H if he really was separated? I got all his e-mail addresses and looked up the profiles and these stupid women offer alot of info in their profiles. No, I won't confront the OWsss. I still have been nice and DBing, that is tough. Anyway, I told my H that I was going for a drive last night. So out of character for me. He asked where I was going before I left and asked twice where I went when I returned. I told him, just driving around. I was, with my girlfriend. She is the first person I have told about the infidelities face to face. The first good part of the whole weekend. She's a nurse and gave me seven weeks worth of prozac. I can't eat, I am size 6 and have lost 10 pounds. I looked into what type of counseling our insurance pays for and I don't think we have any counseling plan available. I do have an appointment with a counselor at Catholic Family Service wednesday AM. I am so overwhelmed... I think I have to say something to him, like, " It has come to my attention that you have a very private life and I am going for testing for AIDS and STD's and I acknowledge that our marriage vows have been trashed." That's all I feel like saying, That is one approach. I am thinking of throwing him out. I am thinking of surprising him and having him served with papers. And, silly me, if I BELIEVED that he wanted to rebuild this marriage, I would be there with him in a heartbeat. I am afraid that he is too perverted to be able to change. I have so much on my mind. This AIDS and STD testing puts a different color on this whole mess. Michelle, if you have any thoughts for me, I would appreciate it. All of ya'll, thanks for being here for me.
[This message has been edited by mare (edited 04-26-99).]
[This message has been edited by mare (edited 04-26-99).]
[This message has been edited by mare (edited 04-26-99).]
[This message has been edited by mare (edited 04-26-99).]
