Another one bites the dust (2)

[No Longer BH]

Old Thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1604409&page=0&fpart=1

So I had to take a little break from posting for a bit and I come back and my thread gets locked. Guess it just gives me a chance to put in a new drink order: Cosmo for me!

So, here is a little update on what has been transpirering. THis past weekend was my S Bday. I had a wonderful small celebration with him on Saturday and Sunday he spent the day with his dad celebrating. STBXH picked him up at 10 am and was suppose to have him until 6pm. At 4pm they came back and walked into the house and proceeded to play video games with S for 2 hours. I was livid but chose not to bring up the boundaries talk at that moment because it was son's bday celebration. I found out after STBXH finally left that he forgot to feed S lunch that day. <sigh> Monday was son's actual birthday. STBXH wanted to walk him to school and I said of course. We had both planned to go up for S lunch as well so STBXH took off the entire day from work to help make S's bday special. As soon as he is done walking S to school he calls me to say that he is going to "let" me have lunch with S. I am speachless, but say ok if that is what you want. S does not hear from STBXH for the rest of the day. He could have asked to have lunch with S by himself and I would have said sure. Instead he decides to go and do things without S. I, again, was angry but know there is nothing I can do to change how STBXH acts with son.

On Tuesday son had an IC appointment. We met STBXH at the IC office. This time around he is Mr. Chatty and acting like he is father of the year. It came out that S is still very angry at H but doesnt feel comfortable talking to STBXH. I said he still feels very abandond. STBXH gets defensive and goes on about how he did not abandon him. He thne tells IC how great he (STBXH) is now doing. So well in fact his ADs have been reduced and he will be going off them soon. He is just wonderful and does not know why son does not see this. THen he says that he knows when S is older he is going to understand why we got a D. Um, hello, I am older and dont understand it myself. IC looks at STBXH and says "No, dont count on that because children do not ever get over D."

After we step out of IC office I tell STBXH that I was going to be at the house until 5:30 pm and that he was welcome after that and I would see him when I got home later that night. At 4:30 they walk in the door. Once again I am upset. I looked at him and said "I thought you understood that I was going to be here until 5:30." He said yeah but he did not mind me hanging out until I needed to go. I just grabbed my purse and left.

When I got home he says that he didnt mean to make me feel like I had to leave because he was there. I said in a very calm and kind voice "STBXH, I thought you understood the boundaries that I need in order to heal. When I am here, you are not to be. When you are here at your SCHEDULED time then I will not be." He got very angry and through clenched teeth said "Fine, its understood." He grab his things and started to stomp out of the house. I said very sincerely "please drive safe." Without turning or stoping he replied "I always do." then shut the front door hard.

I have noticed that by creating these boundaries it is helping me to become completely detached. His moods are not effecting me anymore, just his actions concerning S or disrespecting my boundaries. I dont get why he keeps coming around or why he even gets mad that I dont want him here anymore. But how can you "get" the mind of someone who is as messed up as he is? I have stopped trying and no longer am focusing on that. I am feeling more at peace and have come to the place where I truly do believe D is the best thing for me. I never thought I would feel that way but his actions have finally pushed me to that point.

I realized he only wanted to be connected to me so he does not have to feel bad about leaving a sick wife. Everything he does is all about him, even taking off for his S bday. Was he there for S at all that day? Not really, ended up doing stuff he wanted to do. Sad that he has become this selfish destructive person and it just makes it easier to run away from him.

So, that about sums up where I am at right now. Hopefully I will not fall too many times because I truly just want to be done with him. I think its getting pretty close to happening.