Well he is going to be emailing me "the list" later tonight, tomorrow morning at the earliest. I am getting scared because I am really quite detatched right now and feel like I am moving forward and getting things settled and I am just afraid of letting him back into my life again. I do not have a guarentee of anything and this could go uphill for awhile and then come crashing down again. Part of me wants to call him and tell him not to come tomorrow because I am done with feeling all this pain and lonliness. I do miss him. I do love him. I just don't know how much more of this I can take right now. I know that as soon as I see him again my heart will go all crazy again and I will be 100% sucked back into the madness. I just question whether or not it is worth it.
Ugh.
Well I will wait for the list and see what happens. I will post again tonight if I get the list. Should be interesting.
