Tough morning. H is staying home today to pack. (has not packed one thing). He stayed in the room last night watching tv and extremely depressed (think he was crying), Ok my emotions got the best of me last night and I said remember the door is open for now but maybe it will not always be. And remember that the OW's mother is not my Mom, and her kids are not your kids, and everything about this is wrong just because she works for you. No good will come from deceit, lies and shame. He said nothing but was not mad just depressed. He did say later that he can't understand how I am not mad and forgive him for "his mistakes". I take that as a good sign because of my anger and controlling issues were a big issue for him. Think I made a deposit in the love bank.
This morning D came and gave me a kiss and said bye Dad with no kiss. She is seeing him after school today though. H goes outside and is definitely crying. He comes back in and is almost following me around like a lost puppy. I get ready for work and H comes over and starts hugging me. I said "right now i do not remember any of the bad". H says "I will see you later when I bring H home and I want to weed in the back?" So he follows me outside and he says bye and emotionally I fill up with tears and say "I love you honey", he is crying on the porch petting our dog who loves him more than anyone in the house.
So now I am in work and I am going to a lunch yoga class to get my mind off things.
It is so weird to get my head around this that he will be living somewhere else (albeit down the road a bit) but not in our room, or bed. I might move into the spare room for awhile. Not sure I can sleep in that king size bed (that he wanted) and not hear him snore. Need a change.
I have to tell myself today. i can do this. I can do this. Pray for us today.
I look forward to you trying a good 180.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
